Dating a girl whos in a relationship with sleep

“Let her sleep, for when she wakes, she’ll move mountains.”

Sleep is a pretty vital part of everyone’s lifestyle (except maybe, if you’re on drugs). But for the girl who’s already in a committed relationship with sleep, it IS her life. Now, if you’re interested in this girl, there’s a few things you need to be aware of before you pursue her…

You’ll quickly become accustomed to receiving the “sorry, I fell asleep” text.

She will, on more than one occasion, fall asleep while texting you. Seriously, don’t take it personally. It’s not like she was bored talking to you. She just gets these random sleepy spells, and it knocks her out before she has a chance to warn you. But don’t worry, she’ll always apologize, even if it’s the same apology you’ve heard 395 times.

You’ll probably be sent home more than once so she can go to sleep.

Again, this has nothing to do with you. You’re not boring. She just gets sleepy. And once she’s sleepy, there’s nothing that can reverse it. So she probably will send you home. But in all actuality, she’s doing you a favor. You see, the more tired she gets, the crankier she gets. And she’s going to lash out at whoever is standing in front of her, which is you. So to save you from being ripped apart, she sends you home. In one piece.

Or, she may just fall asleep on you.

Now, there will be other times when she really wants you there, and won’t send you home. If that’s the case, go ahead and expect her to fall asleep on you. Because like I said, once she’s sleepy, there’s no reversing that. So when she does fall asleep, cover her up with a blanket, turn the fan on, kiss her goodnight and leave. She’ll be forever grateful, and it’ll earn you some brownie points.

If you play with her hair or scratch her back, expect her to fall asleep.

There’s no other way to put it. Those two things will put her to sleep faster than NyQuil and a cold room. It’s a soothing thing for her, and it makes her feel safe and comfortable. Which is what you want her to feel around you. Just make sure you’re ready to tuck her in and leave before you start doing either, because she will go to sleep.

Send her that good morning text, but don’t expect one back immediately.

It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk to you in the mornings, she just needs a damn minute. She hates being woken up to begin with, but she’ll excuse it because you’re being sweet. But she’s not going to ever respond immediately. She just needs some time to wake up and get ready to interact with other human beings. Which takes at least an hour or more (depending on her mood). So don’t get frustrated or impatient, she’s not ignoring you. She’s just, once again, putting your safety first. Because messing with her in the mornings is like poking a hibernating bear with a stick. Did you get that visual? Yeah, don’t do it.

The weekends are her “catch up on sleep” days, so don’t expect plans to ever be made ahead of time.

Of course she wants to hang out on the weekends. It’s just that since she doesn’t have an alarm to wake her up, there’s no telling what time she’ll wake up. And she doesn’t want to make set plans with you and then oversleep and not be able to follow through. So when she does make plans, she’ll make sure she leaves a 24 hour window open. That way, she’ll have plenty of time to sleep and hang out with her favorite guy.

She’ll never choose sleep over you…..purposely.

You’re very high on her priority list, even higher than sleep. Surprised? Don’t be. She cares about you a lot. And she will never ever purposely choose to sleep over spend time with you. But this girl is unique, and she requires a little more sleep than most people. But it’s only because she needs that extra sleep to continue being the bad*ss girlfriend that takes on the world for you. After all, every princess needs her beauty sleep.