Older men dating younger asain

Many Chinese men find that dating women older than them is more enjoyable because they think older women are more mature and know how to take better care of them. Photo: Li Hao/GT

Ah Lei (pseudonym), 26, recently split up with a woman nine years older than him. Although his two-year romance failed, Ah Lei said dating an older woman was an enjoyable experience he'd never forget.

"She was mature, which made it easier to communicate with her," he said. "And unlike young women in China who know little about housework, she was pretty good at it and could take good care of me."

Ah Lei is one of many Chinese men who are willing to try jiedilian, or a romance between an older woman and a younger man. A search on Chinese social media platform Sina Weibo and Baidu Tieba, an online forum, offers millions of results on the topic. On Baidu Tieba alone, there are about 80,000 people who share their jiedilian love stories and seek help and advice from others.

A popular Weibo post listing jiedilian celebrities, including Madonna, who at the age of 55 had a 26-year-old boyfriend, and 45-year-old Jennifer Lopez who had a 27-year-old boyfriend, reads, "Still single? Relax, your boyfriend hasn't been born yet."

Its popularity is no surprise. In Chinese tradition, there is a saying that when the woman is older than the man by three years, they will enjoy unimaginable riches in their lives.

Touko (pseudonym), 33, runs a Weibo account named Jiedilian Lianmeng (Jiedilian Alliance), which has 5,391 followers. She opened it when she was in a relationship with a man who was nine years younger than her. The account is for people who are in relationships where the man is at least three years younger, according to Touko.

Touko said that in reality, when it comes to marriage, it is difficult to be in a jiedilian relationship. 

"You need to wait a long time for the younger man to want to settle down, but at that time, women are already too old [to have children]," she said. Touko broke up with the man nine years younger in the end due to this kind of pressure and later married a man two years younger than her.

However, Touko stressed that a jiedilian relationship has its benefits. It can bring women vitality and freshness to their lives.

"Seeing an energetic young man everyday can make a woman feel younger," she said. "From the man's point of view, an older woman can give them a sense of security. But not in every jiedilian are women playing the part of taking care of the younger man. There is no rule that the older lover in the relationship needs to attend to the younger one."

However, China Women's News published a report in March, showing that 51.6 percent of men in Guangzhou, Guangdong Province still prefer to find spouses two to four years younger than them.

Zhao Yongjiu, founder of relationship and marriage consultancy firm Love Wisdom, said that the main reason why many Chinese men wouldn't be willing to date an older woman is because they wouldn't want to risk people gossiping about them and losing face.

"Also, some younger men date older women because he unconsciously wants someone to be a mother figure for him, which puts the relationship at risk," Zhao said. "The woman in this kind of relationship will be too much like someone he can wholly rely on instead of a lover." 

Zhao said because there are more single women than single men in the big cities, it is highly probable that those women will seek out men younger than them in the future.

"Jiedilian will be a trend, but it will never be mainstream," he said.