Better off dead girl dating basketball team

What? The leading scorer in National Basketball Association (NBA) history is just the 10th-best player ever? Indeedy. While Kareem put up a whopping 38,387 points during his playing days, I can’t look past the fact that he spent a good chunk of his career receiving passes from Oscar Robertson and Magic Johnson, the two greatest point guards of all time. Also, his career totals were inflated by the fact that he played roughly 10,000 years in the NBA. (Or 20. Whatever.) Nevertheless, he was an awesome force who dominated the sport for two decades and perfected the sky hook, one of the most gorgeous shots the game has ever seen. Plus, he was hilarious in Airplane! and fought Bruce Lee in Game of Death, so his cool quotient is easily the highest of anyone on this list.

I have a confession to make: even though I’m a lifelong devotee to all Seattle sports team, I had a fan-fling with the San Antonio Spurs teams of the late ‘90s and early 2000s. Yes, they played the kind of slow-paced ball that put most fans to sleep by the third quarter, but there was often a thing of pure beauty hidden among the tire-fire of a 78–71 final score: Tim Duncan’s bank shot. In his prime, Duncan, nicknamed “The Big Fundamental” by no less a nickname authority than Shaquille O’Neal, was one of the most sound players of all time. While his famously vanilla playing style and quiet demeanor kept him from having a cultural impact similar to the other greats, his four championships, 14 All-Star Games, and two NBA MVP awards are indisputable evidence of his fantastic ability.

At the opposite end of the “attractive play” spectrum from Duncan is Shaquille O’Neal. Where Timmy would work his way around an opponent in the post with his superb footwork, Shaq would often use his extraordinary bulk (7’1” and 315 pounds) to bully his way to the basket. Once there, he would finish with an emphatic dunk, a foolproof strategy that helped O’Neal lead the NBA in field-goal percentage 10 times in his career. But O’Neal wasn’t just pure physicality—he was surprisingly graceful for such a massive man and he had a deft touch with his close-range jump shots. His free-throw shooting, on the other hand…

Don’t be fooled by his humble small-college provenance and the “Hick from French Lick” nickname—Larry Bird was one of the fiercest competitors and greatest smack-talkers in NBA history. The uber-confident Bird had arguably the quickest release of anyone to ever play basketball and he’d often let his defender know that the shot was going in soon after it left his hands. He racked up three championship rings and 12 All-Star appearances in his injury-shortened 13-year career. Moreover, his rivalry with Magic Johnson—who, spoiler alert, you’ll see a bit later in this list—during the 1980s launched basketball into an unprecedented level of national popularity that the sport has never fallen from.

Russell was the ultimate winner in the history of the NBA. He won a league title in all but two of his 13 seasons as a member of the Boston Celtics. Yes, the NBA consisted of just 8 to 14 teams during this period, so capturing championships was a statistically easier feat for a single franchise, but even that fact doesn’t minimize Russell’s historic accomplishments. The Celtics had played for 10 seasons before Russell joined the team, never once reaching a championship series in that time. But in his rookie year, Russell completely changed the franchise’s course and established the Celtics as the winningest team in the NBA. But he didn’t earn his place on this list though some sort of vague, ethereal “winningness.” Russell was one of the fiercest defenders of all time and he redefined the value of blocking shots, in addition to averaging an incredible 22.5 rebounds per game over his career.

Oh jeez, this guy. While I’m too young to have ever seen him play, his statistics are so mind-blowing that I wish I had a time machine for the express purpose of going back and seeing him in action. During the 1961–62 season, “The Big O” averaged a triple-double with 30.8 points, 12.5 rebounds, and 11.4 assists per game. Oh, and the 12-time All-Star also helped initiate true free agency into the NBA through a landmark antitrust suit, an accomplishment just as impressive as his jaw-dropping on-court exploits.

Admittedly, Chamberlain played at a time when post players were significantly smaller and basketball wasn’t drawing the types of athletic marvels we see today, but the man was so incredibly dominant that he deserves a spot in the top five regardless of context. The four highest all-time NBA single-season scoring averages all belong to Chamberlain…in his first four professional seasons. The most notable of his scoring feats came on March 2, 1962, when he put up an astounding 100 points in a game, an NBA record that will likely never be broken. In addition to his unprecedented prowess at putting up points, Chamberlain was also the only person to grab more rebounds per game than Bill Russell (22.9), all while averaging more minutes played per game than any player in league history (45.8). The one time in his 14-year career that he was not an All-Star was in 1970, a season in which an injured Chamberlain was limited to just 12 regular-season games and yet he still managed to will his team to the NBA finals upon his return.

One of the most ebullient personalities to ever play in the NBA, Johnson’s charm was a major factor in the massive increase in the league’s popularity during the 1980s. But he was so much more than a dazzling smile. Johnson’s otherworldly passing set the stage for the “Showtime” L.A. Lakers teams that captured five championships during his 13 years with the franchise. The 6’9” Johnson (making him the NBA’s tallest point guard) not only posted the best assists-per-game mark in league history (11.2) but had a tremendous all-around game, as well. Famously, he played center in place of the injured Abdul-Jabbar in the title-clinching game six of the 1980 NBA finals as a 20-year-old rookie. Oh, and while this has nothing to do with his ranking on this list, it’s still incredibly awesome and noteworthy that he has successfully fought off HIV for over two decades, helped de-stigmatize AIDS through his high-profile advocacy, and launched a second career as an entrepreneur who opens businesses predominantly in poverty-stricken areas in efforts to spur urban revitalization. So, yeah, Magic Johnson—neat guy.

I know I risk getting run out of my beloved Chicago on a rail for daring to suggest His Airness isn’t the best player ever but, well, I just don’t think he is. Most famous player ever? Absolutely. Most important player ever? Quite possibly. Most obsessively competitive to the detriment of ever having normal human relations with anybody? Oh my, yes. The man’s desire to be the best is legendary and propelled him to six championships, five MVP awards, All-Star appearances in every full season he played, and the status as possibly the best defender ever. Plus his 30.1 points per game is the NBA’s highest career scoring average. But, well, he played alongside another top-25 talent in Scottie Pippen and was coached by the strategic genius Phil Jackson during his most productive years. He was amazing, but he had a lot of help, at least more than the last guy on this list. And, frankly, it’s sort of fun tweaking all the Chicagoans who are surprisingly defensive about their sporting accomplishments. Related: did you know that the 2013 Seattle Seahawks had the best defense in NFL history?

Yes, the man many fans (ignorantly) consider the most overrated choke artist in the league is actually the best player to ever set foot on a court. LeBron James just does things that shouldn’t be humanly possible. He’s bigger than a good portion of the players in the NFL and yet he still moves as gracefully as the most nimble guards in basketball. Moreover, he not only faced the incredible pressure of being anointed “The Chosen One” by Sports Illustrated as a teenager, but he’s actually exceeded the lofty expectations set for him. As magnificent as earlier players were, they never had to deal with the 24/7 stresses of 21st century media, which James has with aplomb. Through the publication of this list, James has averaged a Robertson-esque 27.5 points, 7.2 rebounds, and 6.9 steals per game and—unlike the Big O—he was doing so against teams stocked with elite athletes and not players who smoked cigarettes at halftime. When people knocked him for not winning championships early in his career, they overlooked that he almost single-handedly took an overmatched Cleveland Cavaliers squad to the 2007 NBA finals at just 22 years old. And, of course, he’s since won two titles (and counting?) as a member of the Miami Heat. Not only does he routinely pull off feats that I’ve never before seen, he has consistently evolved his game to fix the relative weak spots he was previously criticized for. Pretty much all you can ask for from the best ever, no?