Best dating apps for women in their 40s

Do date night right

The League, a popular dating app among millennials, recently conducted a study of 20,000 users about their dating habits and found that the average first date is 55 minutes long. Does sitting across from a stranger in a loud bar making small talk for 55 minutes sound like your idea of fun? Didn’t think so. Coles also says this type of date places too much pressure on both parties. “Don't just sit across the bar from each other, staring at each other thinking, ‘Is this the one?’ No date can withstand that pressure,” she says. “Have your first date be something you do together. Go for a walk in the park. Go on a wine tasting course. Go to see something at the theater. But do something, so that you have something in common to talk about. It will be so much easier.”

Don’t press fast-forward

Texting or talking on the phone for a period of time can manufacture a sense of false familiarity. But you don’t truly know that person before you spend time together. Coles urges daters to take it slow, and not let the digital communication accelerate the relationship. “You cannot fast forward human relationships. And it's not actually how people fall in love,” says Coles. “For the most part, people fall in love with people they know that they've actually done things with, and that they've built up a commonality with. That's what makes people attractive to each other.”

Set great (but realistic) expectations

Dating apps are incredibly useful tools to meet new people, but sometimes it will only be that. If you are approaching every connection asking yourself “Is this the one?” you’ve entered dangerous territory, says Coles. “You will inevitably be disappointed by the answer,” she adds. Instead, Coles advises asking a different question: Is this someone I want to see again? This will ensure you’re setting realistic expectations for yourself and for your dates.

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?

Dating is supposed to be fun. If you learn one thing from her book, Coles wants it to be this: Use digital dating to challenge yourself and put yourself out there — and make sure to have fun doing it.

“We spend so much time on our devices and behind our computers, that it's easy to become isolated. And it's easy to become a voyeur on other people's lives, and become less of a participant in your own life,” says Coles. “What the book really encourages people to do is to get up and put your devices down, and get out there and have fun and connect with people. Do things, travel, climb mountains … push yourself and have a bigger life. And if you have a bigger life there'll be more people in it. And you'll have more people to share with.”

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