Men how to text on dating apps

Trying to find love on dating apps is HARD. Men can be total creepazoids, especially behind the confines of their cell phones or computers. Any woman who’s used Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, etc. has inevitably received some seriously out there messages. Here are some of those messages that creepy (or even boring) dudes send on dating apps that’d make anyone run the other direction:

“Hey, sexy.” 

Starting off simple, but one of the biggest issues with creepy messages online is that men just love to objectify women. A man who only messages to say “hey sexy” couldn’t get creative enough to do anything but purely comment on your looks.

“You’re as beautiful as a model.” 

Some men just love to use weird pick-up lines. No woman wants a message that feels like it’s been copied and pasted to a million women. Likening you to a model indeed feels like BS.

“I’m not a weirdo, I promise.” 

Uh, the fact that someone had to come out and say that means that they’re indeed a weirdo. Run the other direction if they say this because they’re a certified creep.

“Hello, are you there?” 

No, actually. You’re not there and you never will be for this dude. Like, if you wanted to message them back, you would have without their prodding. 

“Hey… hello… screw you, you’re ugly anyway.” 

These kind of messages are the best. You’re away from your phone for a day (or you’re on the app, you just didn’t want to answer). You don’t get back to the dude, so they start saying mean things to you. Their ego gets hurt, then they try to hurt you. Just say thanks that you got to see their true colors, especially if you were planning on messaging them back!

“I’m going to the store, want me to pick anything up for you?” 

This was a real one that I got this week on OkCupid. Um, no, dude. No girl wants to be bought anything definitely that’d require your delivery considering we don’t even know you and… we don’t want to.

“Are you free to get drinks tonight?” 

This one might not seem like a freaky message at first, but if it’s the very first message someone sends you, it’s creepy. At least take the time to exchange a few messages to make sure the person isn’t a total weirdo. So, no man, not going to happen.

“Want to chat?” 

This one also seems like not a huge deal but it’s a weird friggin message. They should just comment on something in your profile, ask how you’re doing, or ask some other sort of question. “Want to chat?” is a weird and unnecessary thing to say.

“I have a large record collection. We can listen to it as you ride my big d*ck.” 

Okay, this is another true story. A friend sent it over to me. No woman wants to hear about a man’s d*ck while exchanging messages with him on a damn dating site. You want to talk about hobbies, what you both believe in, you know, anything but their genitalia.

“DTF?” 

Oh, the classic “DTF.” Nope, you are not DTF… now or ever. Does this line ever work on any woman? Even if you’re only looking to hook up on the app, this line isn’t appropriate. 

“Your gorgeous.” 

Maybe you can give people a break if they make a grammatical error sandwiched between a thoughtful message. However, it’s more likely that the misuse of “your” is stuck in a sentence that also sucks. Just run the other direction or if they get sassy, correct their grammar.

“I would let you use my mouth as an ashtray.” 

This was another real quote. Men say some weird stuff sometimes. Like, is this supposed to be a compliment? I’m not really sure. What if you don’t smoke? Even if you do, a regular ashtray is just fine, thanks.

“Will you be our unicorn?” 

This message isn’t bad in and of itself if you’re looking for that sort of thing. But, a lot of times men send these messages to bisexual women who have explicitly stated in their profiles that they’re looking only for monogamous dating. P*ss off!

“I’m horny.” 

Cool, bro. Totally gross, no one cares. This is the oldest crap in the book that women have to deal with. Having men tell them about the status of their desire for sex. No thanks, we’re all set!

“Your friend is hot.” 

This may be the first message a really rude dude sends or they may say this in anger after you don’t respond. Usually, it’s the latter. Guys really feel like they can hide behind their computers/phones and say whatever they want, no matter how mean. 

“Hey,

you’re super beautiful… bitch, why aren’t you answering…you’re fatanyway.” Some creepy guys love to get angry when their messages aren’t answered. They start off all sweet, but it escalates quite quickly when they don’t get what they want. Then, they just get completely nasty with insults. 

Unsolicited pics of his junk 

One of the worst messages sent is definitely an unsolicited pic of his penis. There’s literally nothing attractive about this. No woman in history has ever received one on a dating app from a complete stranger and said, “Yay!” We’re repulsed, plain and simple.

Sponsored: The best dating/relationships advice on the web. Check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

Ginelle Testa Ginelle Testa's an avid wordsmith. She's a queer gal whose passions include recovery/sobriety, social justice, body positivity, and intersectional feminism. In the rare moments she isn't writing, you can find her holding her own in a recreational street hockey league, thrifting eclectic attire, and imperfectly practicing Buddhism. Follow her on Insta!