Dating Life in a Small Town
Tinder’s mockery of my single status
I roll over just to be temporarily blinded by my phone light. It’s only 11 P.M. but I’ve been asleep for two hours already. That’s the price I pay for getting up at 5 A.M. every morning, but that’s also the only time I have in the day to myself. If I want any chance to work out, I have to be at the student wellness center the minute they open. It’s too cold to run outside and the apartment has started locking their mini gym until the office opens at 9 A.M. I guess they didn’t like back in the fall when I would start my workouts at 4 in the morning.
Tinder likes to remind people they are single and alone at their most desperate hour on a Thursday or Friday night. Or I guess what most people consider their lucky hour. This is the normal hour for people to be out at the bars or clubs, trying to find their next hookup or date. At least, that’s what it was like in college. Do the kids still do that nowadays?
You have matches waiting for you.
Well, about four hours ago you told me there were no people in my area that matched my criteria so I strongly doubt that, Tinder.
It was the curse of being in a small town full of college kids. (And yes, five years post-graduation I’ve earned the right to call them kids.) It was also the curse of working for the school as a graduate assistant softball coach. There are lines you don’t want to be near in case outside people want to question relationships. I just avoided the line completely. No one under the age of 23 will pop up and if you work at the school in any way, I’m out. Just saves the trouble.
That means I’m down to an even smaller amount of prospects. I hate that term, but it’s how dating looked to me now. I had tried it in New York when I first moved there after graduating college. Then I realized I hated New York, and the city, so why would I date someone who loved the place? Because no one hates New York like I do and wants to get out. I’m not sorry, NY.
Don’t get me wrong, I love small towns and I loved where I was, it just wasn’t the best place to be dating. Yet here I was, about to graduate with another master’s degree and nothing but paper (not money, literal paper degrees) to show for my three years with spotty cell service and tornado sirens that you couldn’t hear from my apartment. I hadn’t had a social life in five years, though it is questionable whether I had one in college… or even high school… okay, I needed a social life.
When you’ve already narrowed your search parameters, you’re left with slim choices. According to everyone I know, I’m shallow and just need to start dating someone to be happy. Maybe that’s why I was so apathetic to start dating in the first place — no one holds that much power to determine whether I’m happy or unhappy, but I digress.
The next choice is widening your search radius. Okay, the next closest town is an hour away, but that’s still not very large. I went on one date there last fall and that was a train wreck. Sorry person whose name I forgot, you suck and you kind of made me never want to drive an hour to risk someone showing up an hour and a half late and then texting me the next day that he’s not ready to date.
So why not drive two hours?
Nashville was “close enough” so I took a summer evening to head out. After the last late date and a no-show shortly after, I wasn’t about to make a trip just to maybe see someone show up. So, I found a concert for a band I loved, said I would be there, and then got stood up. But at that point, I didn’t care because the concert was worth it. Then I blocked and deleted his number. It was wonderful. I was really good at this whole dating thing.
I went back to my non-social life and spent my time on better projects. I wrote a book. Then I wrote another. Then a third. I got ahead on grad school so I could have only one class my last semester and focus on other things like getting a job and moving to a new city.
So please tell me why I found myself continuing to go back on an app where I almost constantly swiped left?
Well, I did what I did and really never used it. Especially because we were traveling to a greater than two hour radius every weekend for softball and I wasn’t about to swipe on someone who lived somewhere I’d probably never visit again.
Oops. Spoiler.
Driving through the middle of one state on the way home, I was notified once again by Tinder, that I was missing out on matches. Well, if you don’t open the app, it doesn’t change your location — because I don’t really like people who travel to new cities and try to get a hookup in while they’re there. I have no judgements on the hookup culture, just not my thing.
Cue the disbelief in that I tried to exit the notification but inevitably opened the app. Well, five seconds is enough for Tinder to update your whereabouts. I didn’t think much of it and closed.
So here I am on a Tuesday night when Tinder clearly thinks I’m in a position to be out partying in the college town. To my surprise, a human male has super liked me (yes, I know it’s cheesy). I’m too tired to look at a screen and save the notification for the next day.
That morning, that human male fits almost all of my ‘shallow’ standards. Tall, brilliant, interesting, and has a similar personality. One catch — he’s about 4 hours away thanks to my opening of the app that previous weekend. We decide to continue chatting to see where it goes, no consequences if either of us want to back out (it’s not like we are going to run into each other unless we specifically plan it). A week and a half later, I drive to his city for a date.
After three months of driving four hours to see each other, I graduate and move down to his city. We’ve been dating for almost nine months now. That cheesy, awesome dude and I are still going strong.
Moral of the story — you can’t date in a small town. It doesn’t exist. Get out now.
No, that’s not the ending. I love small towns, but in the end it wasn’t for me. If you have the capabilities and aren’t limiting your search parameters to the bare minimum, online dating is completely acceptable. It’s losing that social stigma that tries to make us Millennials and Gen Z’ers feel bad about our generations doing things differently. Also, not everyone has the social life of a butterfly and that’s totally okay.
Some of us want to live in NYC forever and you should absolutely immerse yourself in the dating life, if you choose. Same goes with the small town. I have a fun story to tell, but you still get to spend your life how you want it.
And just so you know, the sweet spot for finding that perfect someone is a 4 hour drive, so start changing your search radius.
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