Should a girl im dating pay for stuff

I initiated a conversation with a doctor on a dating app the other week.

"Hey, how's your corona panic?" I asked.

"I work in a hospital. So not ideal lol. You?"

"Jesus. Mine is quite strong."

"Basically, we accept everyone is going to get it … What are you doing this weekend? Want to hang out?"

I haven't replied.

I don't know many people who love spending their idle time making virtual small talk with strangers.

But online dating during a pandemic is a whole new story — it's as complex as it is vexed and futile as it feels vital.

Principal psychologist Rachel Voysey says dating in the age of coronavirus generates a sense of hope, so it's more important than ever.

"Having healthy connections with others and a sense of purpose helps us get out of our head and back into our life," she says.

"Coronavirus and social isolation is really making people panic about feeling alone. There is a lot of anxiety for my single clients if they already feel alone."

Are you still dating at the moment? We want to hear your stories. Email life@abc.net.au

How do you date safely and ethically during a pandemic?

Ms Voysey says because it's becoming less available for people to meet in person, a lot of her clients are arranging phone calls to get to know each other.

"About 70 per cent of emotional intimacy is about sharing, knowledge and connection. Those things don't have to be physical."

According to her, people are even sharing more about themselves in the "interest of getting to know others".

She says it's important to trust your gut while dating now more than ever due to safety risks and the possibility of getting scammed.

"Some people are saying, 'We can't go to a coffee shop, why don't you come over?' That would seem so strange in a normal situation. So, trust your intuition."

Like a lot of us, I barely leave the house anymore and my life's getting smaller.

My hands are starting to crack from incessant hand washing, just like my brain from pandemic-induced worry and social distancing.

Ultimately, bunkering down and riding out COVID-19 with someone does feel kind of ideal, but building a sense of intimacy during a pandemic can also be fraught.

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Dating at a social distance

Ryan and I had planned to meet at the pub a couple of Saturdays ago (before more strict measures came into place).

I sent him a text: "Don't think I'm a freak, but I'm not hugging people. Maybe we can bow or give each other an air high five. See you soon!"

We said hello and sat down on high, swivelling bar stools and kept our hands to ourselves.

The next week, we went for a surf at a little-known beach in Sydney. We didn't touch and kept our distance, which I interpreted as mild rejection.

Ryan held our surfboards through a few big waves, their noses knocking together. We paddled around, and he later showed me a fury edamame plant he'd bought for corona sustenance.

We didn't hug or touch when we said goodbye. Even eye contact felt transgressive. There was no suggestion of grabbing a beer in the park.

When I later interview Ryan for this story, I ask him how he feels the coronavirus influenced us dating.

"You're constantly judging/evaluating hygiene, safety… beyond just letting it all happen.

"Dating and first dates can be awkward enough. [Coronavirus] didn't make it easier for us — [it] maybe prolonged getting to know who we each are naturally."

Ryan says he's decided to scale dating right back.

"Now doesn't seem like the time to be going out and meeting people … dating and actively meeting anyone new is on the back burner."

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Are you allowed to date in person?

Ryan and I met well before Prime Minister Scott Morrison began urging people to only leave the house for essential needs.

Gemma Urch, a Sydney-based GP, says the safest thing people can do to stop the spread of COVID-19 is stay at home.

"It is imperative that we all do our very best to socially distance over the next three months, and potentially up to a year.

"However, humans are social creatures, and need other people to survive this with their mental health intact."

Check the Department of Health website to stay up to date with advice around what social interactions are allowed.

Dr Urch advises to keep your social circle "as small as possible".

"The fewer people you have close contact with, the safer our community will be.

"I myself am only having contact with my housemate outside of work, and three very close friends [at the moment]."

Intimacy at a distance

Dating during this period isn't straightforward because life right now isn't straightforward.

But hope in the age of isolation, loneliness and boredom feels as vital as handwash at your sink.

Kris and I have been dating on and off for a few months; we've kissed twice (once on the cusp of the coronavirus panic).

I ask him if that second kiss was a mistake.

"I knew you'd ask that," he laughs over FaceTime, swinging from a crocheted hammock.

He's moved to his mum's farm outside of Byron Bay to weather the coronavirus storm.

"When you go through all this you start to re-evaluate what's important. Friends, family and relationships are important. I've got no problem kissing you," he says.

I ask him if he thinks COVID-19 has halted things between us.

"One hundred per cent there's more distance between us and we have a lot more going on in our lives adapting to the new normal.

"But it also leaves room for creativity in dating and how you get to know somebody. A FaceTime catch-up or going for a nice walk but keeping your distance."

The last time Kris and I hung out we didn't touch; we bought Vietnamese takeaway and shared a bowl of raspberries. We picked each berry individually from a tiny shared bowl.

Kris says he didn't see that as a mistake either and wouldn't have had a problem getting closer.

I don't know when sharing a punnet of raspberries won't feel transgressive for me, but as I sit at my makeshift desk in my home office of one — imagining that time brings me joy.