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Dating Advice for Asian Guys Who Want to Find Love
Looking for dating advice for Asian guys? Sometimes dating as an Asian man in the US can feel like a romantic death sentence.
Google “dating in America while Asian” and you’ll find a parade of articles about the struggles of Asian men in America. To be clear, Asian women and men have very different experiences.
According to a 2014 OkCupid study, Asian men are the least desirable race among OkCupid users, with Asian women landing at the opposite end of the scale, as the most desirable of all races. It’s studies like these that appear to be confirming every Asian man’s worst fear; that simply due to the skin they wear, they’re less desirable than other races.
But a study or two don’t have to doom you to a life of romantic failure.
As a professional dating coach, I’ve made Don Juans out of Asian men who were almost ready to give up on dating. Remember that you are a unique individual defined by much more than your race. It’s this individuality that we’ll leverage to find you dates.
Let’s dive into some dating advice for Asian guys that will significantly augment the quality of your dating life.
Dating Advice for Asian Guys
It’s Not You, It’s Everyone
Before you play the victim card, realize that you aren’t the only guy that’s drowning romantically.
A 2018 study found that 29% of Americans ages 19-30 did not have sex in 2018. What that translates to is millions of black, white, Asian, and Latino men that not once wooed a woman in 2018.
There’s a range of reasons for this from more young Americans living at home now than ever before to people preferring to stream Amazon Prime than hitting a party with their friends.
When it comes to dating apps, only a paltry 50% of Tinder users have ever dated one of their matches. Male dating app users only have a 4% chance of getting their message responded to. To have a 50% chance of receiving a message, the average guy will have to message 18 women. Generally speaking, unless you’re in the 90th percentile of desirability, online dating is a brutal numbers game for penis-wielding individuals.
America, particularly young America, is going through a loneliness epidemic that doesn’t discriminate. All races are being negatively impacted. A 2018 The Economist study found that 22% of Americans report “always or often feel lonely, lack companionship, or feel left out or isolated.”
It seems paradoxical that in an epoch where I can make a call to anyone in the world without even pressing a button, Americans are lonelier than ever.
The point I’m trying to make with all of this depressing information is that this problem isn’t uniquely yours. Your personality, religion, race, or questionable dance moves may not have anything to do with why you’re alone. Sweeping epidemics impact millions of people.
On your journey for love, just remember, it’s not you, it’s everyone.
The Friend Zone
The friend zone is like romantic purgatory.
Sure you could graduate to the next level of love, but it may take an eternity -or longer- to do so.
There’s only one way to slice through the friend zone like a knife through warm butter; honesty.
To illustrate how honesty works, let’s use it in a context.
Let’s say that you and a co-worker, friend, or acquaintance have been hanging out quite a bit recently. You two clearly enjoy the other’s company, but the romantic flames have never been fanned. To allow those feelings to ignite, you need to be in the right setting. I mean hitting on a co-worker at a work party is like trying to light a fire with damp wood. To allow those romantic feelings to grow you’ll have to ask her out. But not just any date request will do. You’ll have to use a TDL.
TDL is short for time, date, location. Too many guys pussyfoot around asking a woman out. Using a TDL is the opposite of saying, “hey, wanna go out sometime?” A TDL in action looks like this,” Hey Victoria, a new epic trail just opened up at the north end of Golden Gate Park, want to go for a stroll this Sunday at 1 p.m.?” Asking her in such a way gives her a tangible date request that she can either accept or reject.
If you feel as though she could still interpret this request as a “friend date,” clarify. Be explicit with your intentions and tell her while asking her out that you’d consider this a date.
It’s quite possible that she had feelings for you but placed you in the friend zone because you took too long to make a move. A TDL will awaken any hushed flames and gives you a chance to burn through that friend zone.
She Makes The Rules
Women are more powerful than ever before.
Women today graduate college at higher rates than men, are closing the wage gap, and are finally having their voices heard and respected. This newfound equality is also making its mark within the dating world.
Dating apps are being designed with women in mind, bars have devised plans to extricate women from dangerous dates, and the rules of dating are being re-written by women.
17% of women today say that asking to buy someone a drink at a bar is considered sexual harassment, 38% of women ages 18-30 say that having a non-romantic partner place a hand on their lower back is “always” or “usually” sexual harassment, and 1 in 4 American women claim that someone other than a romantic partner commenting on a woman’s attractiveness is usually or always sexual harassment.
Contemporary women are much less willing to put up with the shit they used to. Not more catcalling, staring at her breasts, or pressuring her into a date. Women feel empowered in all areas of today’s world. It’s no longer a woman’s job to adapt to the desires of a man.
There is no rulebook you can look to, to understand how to behave around a woman in a romantic setting, but here are some modern dating advice for Asian guys to keep in mind:
When in doubt, ask to kiss or touch her: “I really want to kiss you right now.”
Explain that you’re paying the bill not because you assume that you make more for her, but because she took a chance on going out with you. Paying the bill is a way of saying thank you.
Don’t make sexist jokes or neg her…duh.
Treat her like an equal…double duh.
Wait to call her darling or honey.
Allow her to speak.
Don’t compliment her on her appearance until well into the date.
Sure, most of these are obvious tips, but if they’re so obvious, why do so many men fail to observe them?
Burst Through The Stereotypes
As you know well, there is a myriad of stereotypes about Asian men that range from Asian guys being effeminate to Asian dudes having tiny penises.
The best dating tip for Asian guys that I can give is that you are not a stereotype. You are a complex individual with your own unique personality and dick size. The thing is, how we date today doesn’t often allow you to put your personality on full display.
Take dating apps for example.
A 2017 study found that 39% of all new heterosexual couples met online. This stat will only grow as young people continue to embrace dating apps with palms open and fingers in swiping position.
What sucks about online dating is that it doesn’t allow users to showcase who they are. Rather, apps like Tinder and Bumble reduce users to cards. What women are effectively swiping left and right on can’t even be called dating resumes. Dating apps are superficial and thus make users rely on stereotypes to make their decisions.
As an Asian man, women on dating apps will assign you traits associated with your race’s stereotype. She’ll think you’re nerdy, short, aren’t well endowed, can’t dress, etc. These apps are reductionist and impede them from seeing who you really are.
This issue can be dealt with in two ways.
First the obvious.
Ditch The Dating Apps
Just because all your friends are using dating apps doesn’t mean you have to too. You’ve seen that dating apps are both shallow and largely ineffective. Meeting women IRL is still possible, despite the online trend.
Interacting with women face to face will help you break down stereotypes in a matter of sentences. Meeting women IRL guarantees that she’ll have to wait to get to know you a bit more before swiping left or right. If you don’t know how to meet women IRL, here are some suggestions:
Join an exercise class
Sign up for a co-ed sports team
Join your favorite Meetup group
Go to more parties and shows
Ask you friends to introduce you to their female friends
Ask a co-worker or acquaintance out
I understand the convenience of hiding behind a screen. Face to face rejection is a much more gut-wrenching form of rejection. Luckily, I have a trick to mitigate the fear of rejection.
One trick is to get rejected until you learn how to deal with the pain, just like Jia Jang did.
Another trick is to reframe your interactions.
Interacting with a female with a win or lose mindset puts too much pressure on yourself. Don’t hype yourself up and tell yourself that anything but her number is a failure. It’s this mentality that will deter you from approaching women. Instead of putting undue pressure on your shoulders, change your mindset.
Approach each woman with the intention of having a conversation, nothing more. Not only will this mitigate any fear you have but it will make you a better conversationalist. Should the conversation go well, ask for her number.
Revamp Your Dating Profile
The other way to not let stereotypes get in the way of your romantic success is to change your presentation. Chances are your profile isn’t as appealing as it could be.
Do you use selfies, wear the same shirt in multiple photos, or don sunglasses that obscure your face? If so, it’s time to revamp your profile.
The first component that needs a makeover is your photo roster.
Choose photos that take these dating tips for Asian guys in mind:
No selfies.
Upload at least one athletic photo or photo with a dog.
The first two photos should clearly show your face.
Dress up in one photo.
Show off your hobbies.
International travel photos are a must.
6-8 photos is the sweet spot.
1-2 group photos. Just make sure you’re the most attractive one of the bunch.
Avoid photos with former significant other.
Your objective is to show off your personality as much as possible. This can’t be done without writing a witty bio. Don’t know what that looks like? Here are a few examples.
Dating Advice for Asian Guys, Conclusion
Quality men are hard to find nowadays.
With women now graduating college at higher clips than men, women are finding that there are only so many men that satisfy their romantic checklists. Are you educated, have a good job, and no longer live with your parents? If so, you’re in a better position than millions of other single men.
Another boon you’ve got going for you is that while women of other races may not immediately have the hots for you, Asian women will. Remember that OkCupid study I referenced before? It found Asian women find Asian men significantly more attractive than they do men of other races. This attraction is even stronger than the attraction white women feel for white men, black women feel about black dudes, or Latino women feel about Latino guys.
But that isn’t to say that you don’t have good chances of dating outside of your race. In 2015, 17% of newlyweds were interracial couples. Now is the best time in our history to date someone outside of your own race.
There’s one more thing you’ve got going for you. Me.
It’s tough dating alone, so don’t. With me as your professional wingwoman, you’ll always have someone by your side. Together we’ll create a dating blueprint tailor-made to your romantic desires.
Book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype session today to stop taking advice from your dude friends and learn how to woo any woman that tickles your fancy. We’ll spend some time uncovering your dating issues, creating an action plan around your goals, and determine if my 3 month coaching program is right for you.
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