Dating a boring but nice guy

Men often lament that women don't actually want ‘nice guys’. Women seem to have the perpetual conflict of wanting a nice guy, but then not really enjoying his company, and feeling like something is missing. Here's how it goes: we get tempted by the ‘bad guy’. We start dating him, and have a great time, full of thrill and passion. Then, his insensitive or unavailable side starts to show, and we reach a point where we can no longer ignore it. We break-up, and swear that we will never date the type again. We find ourselves with someone who fits the bill of a ‘nice guy’. We start dating him. It's sweet and warm, and for some time we thoroughly enjoy this newfound love nest. But, soon enough, we start missing the thrill, and pining for the ‘bad guy’. We break-up, and tell ourselves that maybe we're not cut-out for a nice, loving man.

But, in doing so, we dismiss the reality that even with the nice, loving man, something might actually be amiss. There are things about men from both these categories, that we find attractive, and things that we don't. The ‘bad guy’ brings fun, thrill, spontaneity, and passion. In his own twisted way, he keeps us stimulated. And we love that! The ‘nice guy’ brings in love, respect, and security, which the former doesn't. But there's something vital that's missing here, which is stimulation.

A ‘bad guy’ is a challenge wrapped in lust and desire, and is more engaging than someone who is... just there. This has its good and bad, and more often than not, it's a losing game. To counter this, we look for what seems like the exact opposite: someone who doesn't stimulate us. Often, these men are available, and reliable. But, they are not interesting enough. Maybe the nice guy you just didn't feel it for, wasn't passionate enough about his work, didn't care much about religion and politics, was clueless about what he wanted to do with his life, never took initiative in the relationship, or went along with every little thing you wanted (which essentially translates to: he didn't care). It felt like there was nothing worthy of engaging with. The problem was never the fact that he was nice, but the fact that he was boring!

When we don't understand what a bad guy brings into our life (because admit it, you're in it because there's something you're getting out of it), we will never know what to look for. It's unfair to divide men into such binary categories. Instead, we need to understand what those of us who are stuck in this crazy, endless oscillation, really want. Here's what we want: stimulation, intrigue, passion, spontaneity, respect, love, honesty, and stability. Let's just try keeping the faith that all of these can co-exist in one man!