Passive men and dating

09-26-2019, 12:35 PM

Is this the "redpill" thread?

09-26-2019, 02:17 PM

There are some ways in which my boyfriend would be considered "passive" by others, but to me he is wise and chill and laid back. Not making drama where there doesn't need to be drama. Heck yes, I love that kind of "passive" bring it on. Too lazy for tantrums and big angry hissyfits over stupid crap, fanTASTIC. If other women need a guy who will strut around with his chest puffed out like a rooster all the time, well they are welcome to 'em. I don't have time for it.

There are reasons I like older people. The years have stripped away all the BS. It's great.

The only areas I can think of where he can be "passive" and it does annoy me:

- The eternal question of where to go for dinner. Because neither of us cares enough to make a decision and both of us are too passive about it, so it takes an hour longer to figure it out than it should and by that time my blood sugar is dropping and I'm getting really irritable. This seems to be a common issue with lots of people. I think that one gets to a certain point when hungry, where nothing really sounds better than anything else and choosing becomes more difficult than it should be...
- A much bigger one... I was the one who had the idea that moving in together would be wise. I told him the pros and the cons, and he thought about it and agreed. I definitely told him that if he was not comfortable or ready, that was completely cool and to please let me know. I was the one who suggested that getting married might be a good idea. He seems to agree. He has said that he does want to marry me. But at no time has he expressed any enthusiasm for any of my wedding plans, suggested any ideas of his own, got me a ring or "proposed" or basically acted like he was really into the idea. I don't want to feel like I'm bullying him, and he's just going along with whatever I want. If he's got reservations, we really do not need to do it, and I won't be crushed if he says so. The "passivity" gets scary when you start to fear that they aren't saying things that they are thinking, or aren't as on board as you'd like them to be, in order to proceed with a life plan. And you know...I try to be "low maintenance" but it sure would feel nice for a guy to step up and show that he's really happy about being with me. When a guy gets a certain kind of passive-acting, it looks like being taken for granted. No one likes to feel that way, I don't think.

This just sounds like BS posturing to me. Some of us really do not need a bodyguard or protector, and dealing with a guy who feels an intense need to swing his huge, throbbing...ego...all over the place all the time...to prove how manly he is... Yeah, that's just tiresome.

(But this is a great post to show why I refused to date military personnel after my divorce!)

Hm. I'll bite. Since I actually wear a collar, signifying my "submission" to my partner. There's one area where I definitely appreciate him taking the lead. Doesn't have to be in all areas of our life though. Guys who try to hard to "be the man" in too many ways, I have contempt for because they are posers. They're covering up weakness with pathetic attempts at swagger, and I can see right through it. The last time I was impressed by that, I was a kid who knew nothing about life. I mean if you are chasing naive 18 year olds, swagger might get the job done...but not in relationships with grown women.

There are very few proving grounds where a man's ability to dominate or "lead" really counts with me. One is the bedroom, the other is on the way to go out to eat.