Navigating the World of Online Dating After 50
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Here's how to be savvy and safe, as well as sane, in the cyber search for love.
Bone up on tech
If you’re not comfortable with technology, learn the basics before trying online dating, says Tina Williams, a White Oak Library District outreach services manager who leads a monthly program called Dating Over 50 and teaches online dating classes for adults in her Illinois area. “You don’t want to come across as not responding well if it’s just a technology issue,” she says.
Educate yourself
There’s an abundance of books, blogs, webinars and podcasts that can help you better understand online dating. Also ask friends about their experiences, suggests Spira.
In her classes, Williams reviews the differences among dating sites, such as explaining that some use swipes for matches, while others use quizzes. (While there is no one-size-fits-all site or app, the seniors she works with tend to use OurTime if they are paying, and Bumble, OkCupid or PlentyofFish if they want to use a free site.)
Be strategic
Sticking with one to three sites is best, as any more can feel overwhelming to manage, said the experts AARP interviewed. And while niche sites that cater to specific religions, interests and even food preferences can be enticing (like vegetarian-focused VeggieDate.com), experts say to always pair searching on those platforms with one that has broader appeal. “The pool on those niche sites is always smaller,” says Hoffman.
Learn the lingo
Acronyms and abbreviations are common. Terms such as “poly” (for polyamory or consensual non-monogamy) or “fwb” (for friend with benefits) can indicate the type of relationships people seek. Confused by something? “Google it,” Williams says.
Make safety a priority
Don’t disclose personal information, such as your home address, when first getting to know someone, and never share banking information or transfer money.
Carla VandeWeerd, a University of South Florida professor and coauthor of a report that explored the online dating experiences of women 50 and older, recommends doing a video chat before meeting someone in person. If that leads to an in-person get-together, “meet at a public place and let trusted friends and family know where you are going to be and who you are going to be with,” she advises. “And check in after the date is over.”
Some dating sites list safety tips on their platforms. AARP also provides advice on how to avoid romance scams.
But, notes Gandhi: “Love exists. You have to seed yourself with that long-term optimism. You might meet someone in 10 days or it might take 500 … There is no better time in the history of humanity to meet [one of] the 8 billion people on this planet because of technology."
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