Whats it like dating a bi girl

1. We exist. We weren't just waiting for you to come along and help us make up our minds. Sorry. Please don't go down the pub and tell your mates you've "turned" a lesbian. You really haven't.

2. We're not going to be defined by our relationship with you. As a bi woman, being in a same-sex couple doesn't make us a lesbian, any more than being in an opposite-sex couple makes us straight. Don't erase our identities and pasts.

3. "Way-hey, fancy a threesome?" is not a good chat-up line. OMG NO. Never. Bisexual does not equal non-monogamous. Do not assume. And if you do find a bi girl who isn't into exclusive relationships, it's still a really shit chat-up line and will immediately lessen your chances of most women continuing the conversation, let alone open any doors to hot group-sex action. Yes, even on OKCupid. If only you could see our faces when we open the fifth threesome message of the day…

4. You can trust us just as much as any other girl. Bi women are no more likely to cheat on you than anyone else. Equally, they're no more likely to jump at your suggestion of having an open relationship or to giggle and comply when you tell them to snog their mate in a club for a laugh.

5. We don't need a girlfriend on the side. And one of the most offensive things you can do is to suggest that we're free to get it on with other women because "it doesn't count as cheating" and other women aren't a "threat". That's wrong on so many levels. How sexist is it to suggest that only sex with a man counts as "real" sex?! Being bi usually means having the capacity to both love and feel sexual desire for more than one gender. I've loved women deeply and to suggest that me seeing a woman on the side when I'm with a man "doesn't count" is to completely devalue and dismiss that love.

6. Or a boyfriend. Yup, we can live quite happily without male penetration. A lot of lesbians are terrified of dating bi girls in case they "run off" with a man. I can't even begin to count the number of times I've dropped the "b-bomb" and the girl I've been talking to has suddenly needed the toilet and then a few minutes later been seen chatting someone else up on the other side of the room.

7. We aren't "greedy". Contrary to popular belief, we don't fancy the entire population, any more than straight girls fancy every single bloke. Woody Allen has a lot to answer for with his "doubles your chances on a Saturday night" comment.

8. You'll get used to our "ex-girlfriend" anecdotes. It's kinda cute when you still do a little double-take. Don't worry. It's cool. We can share those painful youthful memories of cringey bra-hook moments (seriously, it still takes practice, even if you know how to do it on yourself).

9. We're absolutely sure we're bi. It may well have taken us some guts to tell you that, too, because society still seems to be having trouble getting its head round bisexuality. You wouldn't keep asking a straight girl if she was "sure" she was straight, so don't keep asking us to reassess our sexuality. Bisexuality is not a comfy little alcove for people to rest in while they gather courage to come out as gay, or just a way to impress guys at parties.

10. We can still be bi if we haven't tried it. People don't question a frantically masturbating virgin teenage boy when he says he likes those girls on the internet, so why question adult "virgin" bisexuals? Not every bisexual has had sexual contact with more than one gender. Maybe they've been in a longterm relationship. Perhaps they've felt shy, or picky, or the opportunity has simply never arisen. If they says they're bi, they probably are. Nobody knows better than they do.

11. Having a preference for one gender still means we're bi. "Oh, so you might as well say you're straight, then?" is not the way to get into our pants. Tending towards one gender in general doesn't in any way dilute our attraction to anyone else we like or have liked.

12. We're often open-minded about gender in other ways. The bi community is full of genderfluid, trans and other gender-non-conforming individuals, as well as solid friends and allies of those people. And that's a beautiful thing. Date a bi girl and you might find yourself learning a lot more about gender beyond the binary world of "he" and "she".

13. The bi flag is pink, purple and blue. Unsurprisingly, given how far society still has to go, a lot of us are quite into our activism and the fight for bi visibility. We'll love you even more if you come and march with us.