How to start convo on dating app

This is a great message for three reasons:

1) Miles leads with a compliment to my personality, rather than my face. This makes me open to what he’ll say next, because he’s showing me he’s different than those other guys.  

2) He asks me a question based on a specific detail in my profile, and follows up with another broader question (bonus!).  This is excellent because Miles:

a) proves he read my profile,
b) starts a conversation about stuff we share in common,
c) reinforces further that he’s interested in my thoughts, not just my looks, by asking more about the stuff I’m interested in.

3) Miles shows some of his own personality by asking about my fixer-upper house.  I can tell he’s excited about the same stuff I am, which makes me excited to talk to him.  

This is fuckin’ gold, Miles!  

3. Start a conversation.   

This might seem obvious to you and Miles, but so many guys don’t know HOW to do this!  They ask really general questions, like, “How’s your weekend going?” or “What’s up?”

These messages are the worst. 

While “How are you?” is a question, it doesn’t actually start a conversation.  I can reply, “Good. How are you?” but then we’re back where we started.  Pointless.  I never reply to these messages because they bug the shit out of me.

If you read a girl’s profile and can’t think of a question to ask her based on the information there, don’t message her at all. 

A great first message jumps past pointless questions and right into specific questions.  The best questions you can ask have “long-game.”  That’s why it works so well to ask a girl about something you have in common.  When you bring up a topic you both like, you’ll both have lots to say about it, which paves the way for a longer conversation.

For example: say you and a girl are both snowboarders.  You could easily lead by asking her the question: “Where’s your favorite spot to snowboard around here?”  After she answers that, you’re probably also interested in asking how long she’s been snowboarding, what gear she likes, and if she has any upcoming trips planned. 

Because you opened with a topic she’s interested in, too, she’ll probably ask you those questions back – plus more of her own.

That’s a lot to talk about, and that’s long-game. 

To achieve this, you have to ask her questions.  The questions are the gas.  Making a statement, like, “I like snowboarding, too,” doesn’t move the conversation forward.

4. Keep it simple. 

As a rule of thumb, ask one or two questions.  Some guys make the mistake of firing off a long list of questions about a whole range of topics.  This is overwhelming to girls.  And it’s time-consuming to answer ten questions!

Stick with one or two low-pressure questions that make it easy for us to respond quickly because we’re interested.  Online dating is awesome because a girl’s profile is one big list of conversation topics.  Just pick one detail you think is cool, or you’re genuinely curious about, and ask her about it.   

This guy does a nice job asking an easy question based on stuff we both like: