Dating other girls to get back at you

Hi, I’d love your perspective on my situation.

I am a divorced male in my early 40’s, after 14 years with my ex, I have been single for just over 5 years. I have had dated a fair amount, and have had 2 relationships (7 months & 11 months). In early November I was at a business event and met a girl in person that I had a professional relationship with (I am actually her business coach, so we had been speaking on a regular basis). Upon meeting her there was immediate electricity. I maintained blurry professional lines for the few day of the event, and there was only verbal flirtation.

By the way, we live a few states apart. We also both have kids, which restrict us to our current cities.

After the event we began texting and talking on the phone for 2+ hours daily. We both admitted feelings, and were excited about the future. When I stated we have to figure out schedules and plan to see each other she replied, “I know we just met, but would you like to spend Christmas together?”. I am both impulsive and a take charge personality, so I immediately booked her a flight to visit for 8 days over Christmas. For days, we were doing a daily countdown, and her friend even reached out to me and told me how excited she is, and that we are “perfect” for each other.

Last week, she was surprised with a gift to attend an event with a guest. She sent me a text and asked if I wanted to join her, only 3 days away. Being the impulsive guy, I booked a ticket with excitement to see her.

I arrived at the airport to find her waiting in the airport for me. She had a couple things to do before we went back to her house. That evening we were enjoying each other’s company, and it escalated to sex. The next day she had three events lined up, one was a special occasion for a friend, the second was the event which was the premise for the invite, and the final was a birthday party for her best friend.

She introduced me to all of her friends, and they clearly already knew who I was.

That night when we returned to her house and got into bed, she stated that she had to tell me something. She proceeded with, “I am not over my last boyfriend, and it’s unfair to you”. I am normally a talker, but decided I’d let it go, and just see how things go the following day. The next day was tense. I finally brought up that she seemed uncomfortable, and she said “I’m just not ready for a relationship”. I responded, that we are just getting to know each other, and with the distance it won’t be rushed anyway. We did not elaborate much further.

She drove me to the airport, and got out of the car, she embraced me very affectionately, and gave me a kiss goodbye (not romantic, but definitely not how you would kiss a friend). This week we have not been texting or talking at all, except that we did have a scheduled coaching call. I compartmentalized and maintained a very professional line on that call, though naturally there were things we laughed at, and it felt great.

She never mentioned canceling her trip for Christmas, but I assume her visiting me in a week would be pretty far-fetched based on the lack of communication. I don’t want to assume though, and I would need to cancel the ticket.

So my questions are:

How do I proceed? Specifically, with the question of upcoming travel or cancel

Did she just get scared that things seemed to move so quickly?

Is there a true opportunity to pursue a relationship here, even if it’s slower, or postponed for her to find her comfort?

The reason, I don’t want to just walk away is…. At 44 years old, there have only been a few girls that I have “connected” with, admired, and truly felt that there is something worth pursuing. I am not a guy that will “settle”, and with the rareness of finding someone that there seems to be a high level of mutual chemistry with, it’s difficult to just let go. I will if I have to though.