Dating a hairy guy

My boyfriend is extremely hairy. I've told him several times that I feel very unattracted to it. He says he doesn't want to remove it because he feels it's very emasculating. I love him, but I avoid touching him when he's naked and I try my best to only focus on his face when he's naked because that's how much it turns me off. What can I say to make him feel comfortable with the idea of getting the hair removed?
If your grizzly man doesn't want to trim the hedges, there's honestly not a lot you can do. Presumably, this was a preexisting condition when you were first attracted to him and you knew that you were getting into a hairy situation. It's not cool to pressure your lover into changing his appearance just because it doesn't align with your preference.

In a way, when you ask him to trim his hair, you aren't very different from a guy who demands that his girlfriend wax her pits and pubic area. Plenty of guys (let's call them assholes) shame or mock women or express disgust. Other guys just tell them they think it would be hotter if they had less hair down there. You sound like you're insulting this guy, belittling him, and, frankly, exaggerating the degree to which his hair revolts you. Can you really only focus on his face when he's naked? You "avoid touching him when he's naked," you say? Then why did you ever hook up with him in the first place?

In your case, I'd suggest you lay off this guy and think about what it might feel like if he was making extreme superficial judgments about your body. Telling him that you "feel very unattracted to it" and that it "turns you off" isn't working anyway. Instead, try a little positivity. Tell him how handsome you think he'd look, clean-shaven. Maybe even describe all the things it would be easier to do if there was less hair between him and you.

Just remember that, in the end, it's his body to do with as he wishes.

Two years ago, I dated a guy who had no future, no ambition, and was financially unstable; however, he was a lot of fun and five years older, which was exactly what I wanted in a rebound. We dated for a while, but then my mother found out and made us break up, so we did, but we never really ended things. He started dating another girl while we were still sleeping together and then another. We still slept together — the first one doesn't know about his cheating, the second one does. I should mention that we would sleep together once every month when I missed him. Then I would feel bad and stop talking to him. We continued sleeping together for a whole year after we broke up, and then although we weren't actually seeing each other, he had sex with another girl and it felt like cheating, so I stopped talking to him. However, after four months, I guess I missed him and I called him, but I never saw him. Then two months later, I called him again but never saw him then either. This time, however, I said some mean (but true) things to him, so he would stop asking me to see him. He's currently seeing some other girl. My whole point here is, I'm not sure if I miss him or not. I'm not sure if I'll end up sleeping with him eventually like every other time I stopped talking to him (during that whole year). I'm not sure if I'm just lonely and stressed because of school. I know I don't want him in my life, but I'm having a hard time keeping him out.
We've all been there: We've all dated someone who ended up feeling less like a person and more like a crutch — or like a hard habit to break.

You know that this guy is no good for you. You've never had a serious relationship together. You had a casual situation that went on too long. You stayed too long at the party. It's time to get back to your life and leave him to his.

So how do you do that? It's hard, because when you're feeling lonely (or horny), it's always easier to call up the last person you liked than to go out and find another. But getting over him begins with recognizing — and reminding yourself in these trigger moments of loneliness — that you're only calling him because you haven't found someone better. Yet.

Step one of getting over this guy is realizing that you don't really care for him enough to justify this ongoing drama. Step two is actually getting back into the dating world and seeing who else is out there. In step three, you repeat step two, over and over, as necessary, until something else clicks.

When you get to step four, you'll realize there is no step four, because you already stopped thinking about this guy a long time ago.

So I've been dating this guy for almost a year now. He's absolutely incredible! He's the most loving, caring, and deep-down good person I've ever met! He is about seven years older though, which isn't a big deal for either of us. The issue here is with my mom. We've always been super close and talk about everything, but every time I mention my boyfriend, she shuts down. He's been so good to her too, taking her grocery shopping when my sister borrowed her car for a weekend, buying her flowers and chocolates on every holiday, and taking a genuine interest in her. I don't understand what her problem is. She can talk to my sister about boyfriends all day long, but every time I bring up the guy I love, she just goes quiet. I've asked her about it, and all she says is, "He's fine. There's nothing to talk about." It's been driving me crazy because I feel like there's something she's not saying! What should I do?
Let's try to look at this mama drama from your mother's perspective.

As a parent, it's got to be hard to know when to step in and offer a mature perspective — and when to bite your tongue. That's got to be especially hard when your kid is head-over-heels in love. If the daughter strongly believes the guy she's been dating is "absolutely incredible! … the most loving, caring, and deep-down good person" she's ever met, the mother might reasonably assume that her daughter may not be too receptive to more sober reflection. Such a daughter might even take anything less than mutual adoration as a slight.

Faced with a daughter who's gaga in love, a mother who likes the guy and has no specific qualms might want to just play it safe until she knows him a little better. She might think that it's healthy for one person in the family to keep her head screwed on tight, just in case the daughter is getting carried away.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be thrilled and excited to be plunging headlong into love. A year is a good amount of time to really get to know someone. That said, your mother's been around a lot longer than you, and she likely knows that people have a way of surprising you, just when you least expect it.

I'm not saying your mother is acting wisely. I'm just saying she isn't necessarily harboring some secret resentment that she's not sharing. She's probably just looking out for you.

So long as your mother isn't being outright rude or sabotaging your relationship, I encourage you to keep integrating your boyfriend into your family life, just as you would if mom were a big fan. Keep talking to your mother, keep bringing your boyfriend over to spend time with her, and take it from there. Just remember that, in the end, you're an adult. You don't need anyone's approval to love someone.

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