Swipe culture in dating apps? means

In this hyper-connected world that we live in today, it’s easy to get caught up texting and the swipe culture that is online dating apps, but we are diving head first into this ‘swipe culture’ without stopping to think about the damaging effects it’s having on our ability to form meaningful relationships.

Dating apps are symbolic for the twenty-first century. We have the ability to connect with people from the comfort of our own home that we otherwise wouldn’t come into contact with in our everyday lives, but somewhere along the line we have managed to narrow it down to a numbers game and how could we not, when our entire city is at our fingertips. However, this modern way of forming relationships through an electronic device is dehumanising and making people disposable.

We are unable to see a person as anything more than just a screen with a staged selfie staring back at us because we haven’t met them yet. We are unable to connect with people on a human level because we haven’t heard their voice through conversation or connected with their expressions and mannerisms. Maybe we’ve texted about what he or she does in their spare time, but we haven’t experienced the magic that comes from being able to feel a person’s energy and see their emotion when talking to them directly about something they’re passionate about. Texting, swiping and the use of technology for social media lures us into a false sense of security and intimacy.

As a twenty-three year old who’s longest relationship was formed through a long friendship, becoming newly single was like stepping into a whole new world. The first thing my girlfriends said to me was, “you need to get on Tinder”. I wasn’t even quite sure what Tinder was, but I wasn’t all that keen on swiping through masses of men to see if I liked the look of any. Nor did I feel it was any way to nurse a breakup. Over a year has passed since then, and this is what I’ve found;

We have developed a blasé attitude towards dating to the point that we don’t even know what the term ‘dating’ means anymore. We have become so used to getting things almost instantly that we want and expect instant relationships also. We are so keen to feel something with another human being but we aren’t prepared to put in the effort it takes to build a relationship with someone. We are losing the ability to connect with one another on anything more than a physical level because physicality is what we started with as opposed to our minds. If we don’t like something about a person or we get bored with their online conversation, it’s ok because we can hop back online and be "on to the next one" in hope that we’ll find someone more compatible at the swipe of a finger.

The phrase “on to the next one” is a saying me and my friends have taken to use whenever something doesn’t work out with someone, and it’s not something I’m proud of. Actually, it makes me really sad.

In the past, I’ve heard friends of mine say, “by the second or third date you usually know if that person is right for you”.

This is not the case.

There is no limit on how long it takes to get to know a person. Meaningful relationships aren’t formed in this way and they shouldn’t be put against the clock. New relationships take time and patience. They are clumsy and a process of continuous growth and if this is something you’re looking for then you have to stray away from this superficial approach.

Indeed, if you feel in the pit of your stomach that a person isn’t right for you, then do what you must and put yourself back out there, but if you meet someone and it appears to be going well, don’t spend your evenings at home swiping, preparing a backup and entertaining other potential dates because you’re setting yourself up to fail in the long run.

Nevertheless, I have friends whose relationships are still going strong a year down the line after meeting their partners via online dating apps, so I don’t completely condemn this modern system of meeting people, I’m just trying to ensure we don’t forget who we are with the use of technology.