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28 Tweets For People Who Are Sick And Tired Of Online Dating
It’s hard out there for a single person on dating apps: All your friends seem to be getting married and popping out babies. Meanwhile, you’re stuck swiping and deciphering what “CEO at self-employed” means on some random person’s Tinder bio. (Swipe left. You know they’re probably just a weed dealer.)
We get it, and we come bearing comedic relief. Below, we’ve gathered up 28 funny ― and relatable ― tweets about online dating to make you feel better about the state of your love life.
Every time a dude starts a conversation with me on a dating app and then stops answering mid conversation I grow stronger and more powerful.
— nicole byer (@nicolebyer) June 15, 2019
Friend: How was your date last night?
— Kara (@thedryginger) January 11, 2019
Me: great, I totally got lucky
Friend: Oh yeah?
Me: yeah, he didn’t show up
no greater shame than redownloading a dating app.... it’s like yes, I would like to be disrespected by a stranger
— ziwe (@ziwe) April 12, 2019
How about a dating app that tells us how long you celebrate your birthday for? Oh you’re a “birthday month” person? Gonna pass.
— Jared Freid (@jtrain56) April 2, 2018
My dating app just suggested I switch to the "find friends" setting.
— Susanna L Harris (@SusannaLHarris) June 21, 2019
Not sure what it's trying to say, but, fair.
Some days I think I have self-respect, but other days I remember that I recently agreed to go on a first date with a man who opened the convo with “yee haw” pic.twitter.com/2CEnmCVg50
— Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) June 20, 2019
Someone on tinder just unmatched me mid-conversation because I said I liked ketchup so yes it's going great
— Kendra🏴☠️ (@kendrawcandraw) June 23, 2019
Raya update: Some guy put in his profile that he is into “S&M” and then clarified that means “Surfing & Mexican food.” I cannot believe I’m paying for this.
— Alana Hope Levinson (@alanalevinson) June 19, 2019
Living in a small town means perfecting the art of the “I know you’re on tinder, I know you know I’m on tinder, we both know one of us or both of us did not swipe right so fuck you then bye” smile
— B O L L O C K S (@ItsAllBollocks) June 19, 2019
dating in 2019 is matching on a dating app, texting for a day, never meeting up, then looking at each other’s Instagram stories every day until we die
— Lara Parker (@laraeparker) February 6, 2019
oh my fucking god two different girls i went on tinder dates with a year ago just MARRIED EACH OTHER
— bald dyke energy (@realbigv1) June 22, 2019
Every time I go to the restaurant where I've brought so many bad dates, the waitresses ask me about my dating and if I'm talking to any of the guys still. They also loop in the new staff to the stories
— Shoshana Weissmann, Sloth Committee Chair 🦥 (@senatorshoshana) June 23, 2019
Just normal stuff
There should be a dating app that matches people that don’t want commitment with people that are moving away soon
— Randall Otis (@RandallOtisTV) February 24, 2019
Every dating app should have a filter for whether or not you’d ever go to Burning Man.
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) February 3, 2019
millennial dating
— jaboukie (@jaboukie) October 1, 2017
u: hey wyd wednesday
them: working to survive. wyd saturday
u: being tired from working to survive then laundry
them: nice
can’t believe I just have to keep dating until someone likes me back or I die
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) December 2, 2018
Before online dating, joining a kickball league was the original sad way to meet new people.
— mark normand (@marknorm) June 5, 2017
My taste in men is so bad, the walk of shame for me is when I'm on my way to a date
— defne gencler (@omgitsdef) September 26, 2018
I’m not dating so much as I’m saying yes when people I find attractive offer to temporarily distract me from the raging global hellscape with shareable small plates and questions about what sports I played in grade school.
— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) June 21, 2019
A very fun and cool thing about dating in New York is standing outside a bar smoking and a guy that ghosted you walks by with his dog and gives you the nod.
— corey kindberg (@coreykindberg) March 23, 2019
Idea: a dating app where you match based on physical attraction, similar interests, and how badly and consistently you’ve let down your father.
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) June 23, 2019
Just saw a married person I know on a dating app so that’s fun 👀
— Kyle Fitzy (@kylefitzy8) June 25, 2019
A guy on a dating app has just told me he “knows everything about US history” in response to me saying I’m doing a PhD in US history.
— elizabeth warren called me, me varsha (@varsha_venkat_) August 22, 2018
being on tinder for a day took seven years off my life
— tex avery woolf (@sprtnght) June 26, 2019
well a dating app told me I’m most compatible with my ex. how’s your day going?
— Marly Fitzgerald (@MarlyFitzgerald) June 23, 2019
If I was a marriage counselor, I'd just make the couple log on to any dating app for 2 min.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) March 2, 2019
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