Dating guys for guys

Online dating has its peculiarities.

Online dating is an interesting experience. In the beginning, everything is just new and exciting. The possibilities seem endless. Love is just around the corner, you just have to give it a chance.

With time, you begin to realize not every possibility is worth a shot. You begin to see patterns in how people present themselves, in the pictures they choose, in how they word their bios, and how they engage in conversation.

I’ve notice 10 different types of men in the online dating world. There might be more — let me know if I missed any.

Not all of them are worth dating — let alone meeting in person. It all depends on what you’re looking for, but it never hurts to be aware of what you might find out there.

The fuckboy

Formerly known as the player, the fuckboy is the guy who online dates for the hookups. You won’t get anything out of him other than casual sex.

Perhaps he’s shirtless in all of his pictures, but not always.

When you first start texting after you match, the very first thing he says to you is something along the lines of: “you’re so pretty. When can we go out?”

Since he doesn’t care about anything other than your looks, and how soon he can get you in his bed, he won’t engage much in conversation. He’ll answer your questions with few words and low enthusiasm, and hardly ask anything about you at all.

His idea of a first date is Netflix and chill at his place, and when you call him out on it, he’ll insist he wasn’t aiming for a hookup, he just thought it would be fun.

If you live somewhat far from each other, he won’t volunteer to drive to you, but won’t hesitate to suggest that you drive 30 mins or more to enjoy the questionable pleasure of his company.

He might make an effort to meet you for coffee, and to go on two or three “regular” dates with you, but as soon as you have sex with him, he’ll suddenly become way less available for anything that involves the two of you actually going places together.

If you’re trying to hold off on sex until you get to know each other better, or until you’re in a commitment relationship, he might say things like “but the physical aspect is very important to me when I’m hanging out with someone,” or “sex is one of the factors that help me decide if I want to be serious with someone or not.”

In other words, he won’t be ashamed to push your boundaries until you yield and sleep with him.

If what you’re looking for is sex with no strings attached, this is your guy. If you want a relationship, stay away.

The online dating newbie

This guy has no idea what he’s doing — and it’s kind of cute.

Remember you, when you first downloaded the app? You miss the innocence you had back then. This guy still has it.

He doesn’t have a game plan to sleep with as many women as possible, he also doesn’t have a strategy to filter the most interesting people to actually go on a date with. He has no clue of how any of this works whatsoever.

His bio is either empty, or it says too much. When he texts you, he might come across as stiff and guarded, as if he’s always second-guessing why he’s even messaging a complete stranger online.

He might be a nice guy to go out with, but he might also be so unsure of what he’s looking for — if something casual or serious — that it’s unlikely he’s worth the effort.

The ultra-romantic

This guy has the soul of a poet. He believes in love — perhaps a little too much.

It’s borderline creepy.

His bio has quotes from songs, or poetry, and usually a comment on how everyone’s so superficial these days. In his pictures, you can see him posing in front of a waterfall, cuddling with his dog or cat, or meditating on a yoga mat.

Of course he does yoga.

He’ll call you at midnight, right after you’ve just gotten home from your very first date, to clarify something he said, or to “hear your voice and say goodnight.”

When you go out, he’ll come on too strong, but not sexually so, more like implying you’re soulmates because your astrological signs are a perfect match or something.

You’re still not sure how you feel about him, but he’s already talking about how his “intuition is telling him you’re right for each other.” He’s not in a rush to have sex because your body is a temple, and he respects that. He only hopes to one day be worthy of entering it.

Gross. I know.

He’ll text you all day long if you let him, as if he doesn’t have a job, or other friends, or a life.

He’s not patient enough to take his time to get to know you, he puts his rose-colored glasses right on, and all he sees is romance, and the happily ever after he’s sure to have with you.

If you want a whirlwind romance that feels a bit forced from the start, and that’s likely to end in tears (his), then this is your guy.

The middle-aged adventurer

He hikes. He snowboards. He runs. He’s over 40 and possibly in a mid-life crisis.

He’s super-fit, and his greying hair is rather charming. He might have a picture with his niece, or with a dog, or both. He wants you to know he likes children, despite the fact that he’s over 40, never been married, and has no intention of settling down any time soon.

You might match with him in the hopes that you’ll find someone mature, who values good conversation and companionship — or at least some company for a hike, but age and maturity don’t always coincide. It’s possible your mature older guy is just another man-child. It’s possible he embraces adventure so that he can run away from responsibility, and from actually having to grow up.

The recently divorced and vulnerable

I’ve been the female version of this type of online dater, and it’s rough.

You’re in a whirlwind of emotions. You’re lonely, you’re horny, you just want to feel like someone wants to go out with you again.

You want to feel like you’re worthy of a relationship, but you’re also so done with relationships, you just want to have sex. It’s a confusing time.

The recently divorced and vulnerable doesn’t have to actually have been married, he can also be fresh out of a long-term committed relationship. He’s been monogamous for so long, he doesn’t even know how to date anymore. Last time he went out with a woman, he did not meet her on a dating app.

He’s a dating app newbie as well as recently divorced and vulnerable. He’s in a tough spot.

If you’re up for being his rebound, then by all means, give him a shot.

Going out with him will involve long conversations about his past relationship and his ex. He might be a great guy, but it’s highly likely he’s still processing everything that happened, still blaming her (or himself) for everything, and still calling her crazy.

You’re rolling the dice with this guy. He might be looking for a one-night stand, or he might get attached and get too serious too fast (remember, he’s vulnerable). Either way, watch out for yourself.

The cheater

He won’t post a picture of his face, and he’ll ask for discretion in his bio. This guy is using online dating to cheat on a wife or girlfriend, which means cheating is not something that “happens,” but it’s his whole lifestyle.

It’s planned. It’s organized. It’s premeditated.

Of course he’s looking for casual over a relationship. His morals are questionable, to say the least, but at least you can’t say you didn’t know what you were signing up for when you swiped right.

The sugar daddy

This guy isn’t hiding what he wants, or playing any games, and that can be a good thing.

Although there are specific services and websites for sugar daddies and sugar babies to connect, some people will use online dating for that purpose. Again, if you want to give it a try or not, it’s entirely up to you.

I only swiped right on a sugar daddy once, out of curiosity. We didn’t match. I guess I don’t look like sugar baby material — maybe it’s because my boobs are too small? I guess I’ll never know.

The tourist

This guy is from out-of-town. He’s only here for a few nights, or maybe a week, tops, and he’s not interested in spending that time alone.

If you see his profile stating he’s “on vacation” and you think “hookup,” you’re not wrong. Before you swipe right, make sure you don’t mind becoming a tourist guide with benefits.

If you hit it off, he’s likely to ask you out every other day — he has a ton of free time, and doesn’t know anybody in town but you. Careful not to overdose on each other.

While it can be fun to get to know someone from a different city (or country), don’t go into it expecting it will last after he catches his flight back home.

The screw-up

This guy needs to take a step back from dating and go work on his life. Seriously.

This guy’s a master at presenting himself as responsible, clean-cut and committed, but once you get to know him better, all his issues surface. Commitment issues, trust issues, intimacy issues, you name it.

He’s loaded with baggage from previous relationships. He’s either still hung up on his ex, or he will call her crazy within the first ten minutes of his first date with you.

He read a few questionable advice on how to “get” women, so he’ll neg, try to be an alpha male (or whatever he thinks that means), all while claiming to be the “nice guy women always overlook.”

This is a tough one to spot from his profile alone. He hides his dysfunctions rally well in the online realm. Sucks that you have to meet the screw-up in person to be able to tell his a screw-up, but at least once you do meet him, you can see the red flags all waving high and proud. Just make sure you’re paying attention.

The commitment type

This type is also hard to spot, mostly because he hides in plain sight. He might be slightly older, he might be into snowboarding, he might be divorced, or a bit of a romantic.

He might have some traits of the other types, but he has his priorities straight, and is into online dating for more than casual sex, he’s into it to meet women and hopefully find a life partner.

When he messages you, he’ll actually make an effort to engage in conversation. When he asks you out, it will be for coffee, or drinks, not for Netflix and chill, much less to go hang out in his jacuzzi for an afternoon.

Of course he wants to sleep with you, he’s a man who finds you attractive, but he won’t pressure you into anything you’re not comfortable with. If he decides to stop seeing you, it’s because he doesn’t think you’re a good match after all, not because he was trying to use you for sex.

And he won’t ghost you.

He knows he won’t have a committed relationship with every woman he meets. He knows getting to know someone and building a relationship is a process, but he’s not afraid to put in the work.

He’s putting himself out there, he’s falling in love and getting his heart broken, but he’s not about to turn bitter or lose faith.

He’s a catch, and sooner or later, he’ll find the woman he deserves.