Youth attitudes dating marriage

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While researchers have long examined the dating and mate selection patterns among young adults, the vast majority have utilized Western samples. In order to further our understanding of the changing nature of dating behaviors and attitudes, this study examines a sample of young Chinese adults and focuses upon the gender differences therein. Using a foundation of social exchange theory, the analyses illustrate the differences between the dating attitudes and expectations of Chinese women and men. Per traditional expectations, both sexes place a low priority on sexual behaviors, yet more progressive attitudes and behaviors are also evident. Women, in particular, appear to be more focused on pragmatic qualities in prospective partners. The influence of individualist values and the changing cultural norms pertaining to dating and familial roles are discussed.

From a generational perspective, dating and romantic relationships in China are regarded differently, as adolescents and young adults may have more progressive beliefs, as compared to their parents. Researchers have noted that Chinese parents tend to oppose adolescent dating (Chen et al. 2009), perhaps due to their more traditional perspectives. While there is no clear definition of what is an appropriate age for individuals to begin dating, those who begin dating at early ages will typically have to cope with the opposition of parents (Wu 1996). Nonetheless, there is widespread acceptance that dating is becoming increasingly popular among Chinese youth (Tang and Zuo 2000).

Among Chinese college students, in particular, dating has quickly elevated in popularity (Yang 2011). Even the behaviors within dating appear to be rapidly changing over time. Behaviors such as holding hands and kissing in public, which may been somewhat taboo only a few decades ago, in China, are now becoming increasingly commonplace (Xia and Zhou 2003; Yang 2011). For such populations, who are often away from the eyes of their parents, college life may present opportunities for not only dating but also sexual activity (Xia and Zhou 2003). Lei (2005) reports that over one third of college students in China had become sexually active while enrolled in school. While dating and sexual activity among Chinese college students have been previously noted by researchers (e.g., Xu 1994), comparatively less is known about the attitudes and expectations of youth concerning these behaviors. In regard to premarital sex, for example, some studies have reported that 86 % of respondents approve of it (see Tang and Zuo 2000), while other studies have noted that vast majority of men want their brides to be virgins at the time of marriage (Ji 1990).

Seemingly, contemporary Chinese college students may be adopting a perspective of dating and intimate relationships which focuses less on paths toward marriage and more on immediate pleasure and gratification (Yang 2011). Much of this may also related to institutional changes, as the interpersonal relationships of students have been somewhat suppressed by colleges and universities (Aresu 2009). Universities commonly attempt to discourage sexual activity among students through educational programs and policies (Aresu 2009). Nonetheless, a comparison of college students in 2001 and 2006 revealed that self-reported premarital sexual intercourse rates went from 16.9 to 32 %, respectively (Pan 2007). Not surprisingly, Chinese parents tend to strongly discourage their daughters and sons from becoming sexual active, and many are opposed to their children being involved in dating relationships, at all (Stevenson and Zusho 2002).

Aspects of dating, such as appropriate behaviors within dating and the appropriate age at which to begin dating, are greatly influenced by the larger social context in which they occur (Chen et al. 2009). Similarly, researchers have noted that attitudes and expectations concerning dating and intimate relationships are also affected by the larger cultural context (Hynie et al. 2006; Sprecher et al. 1994; Yan 2003). But China’s cultural context goes back several thousands of years. It has a written language that has been in use for the longest continuous period of time in the world, and it has the oldest written history (Han 2008). Thus, in order to best understand and appreciate the social dynamics occurring in present day China, one should first examine some of the important long-standing traditions connected to its culture.

The traditional expectations concerning dating and marriage have a long history within Chinese culture and are based heavily upon ancestor worship and Confucian ideology. From this perspective, filial piety and the continuation of family lineage are of tremendous importance (Han 2008). Hence, marriage (as the end goal of intimate relationships) is absolutely necessary and particularly so for males (Liu et al. 2014). One of the enduring cultural traits is “xiao,” which, in the most basic sense, refers to filial piety. The Chinese character for “xiao” can visually be interpreted as a child with an old man on his back (Han 2008). The long-standing expectation of “xiao” is that children devote their lives, without question, to their parents and families. This involves, especially for sons, the care for parents in their elderly years (see Ho 1996). Understandably, this places great pressure upon unmarried sons to negotiate with his parents over the identification and selection of a suitable wife, who, in turn, will also provide assistance to his aging parents. For sons, in particular, “xiao” makes finding a spouse a priority and consequently makes dating take on a different quality.

China is typically regarded as a collectivistic culture, in which obligations to the greater society and social institutions (e.g., the family) are considered more important than individual traits and needs (Kwang 2001; Ting-Toomey et al. 1991). Within individualistic cultures, romantic love is regarded as essential to marital satisfaction and well-being (Dion and Dion 1988). Hence, individual choice within dating relationships and mate selection processes is more likely to occur within individualistic cultures. Collectivistic cultures prompt young adults to regard love and romantic relationships within the larger context of their familial and societal obligations (Yang 1968). This, then, may lead young adults within collectivistic cultures to emphasize the pragmatic functions of dating and eventual marriage, while having less concern with notions of “love” and “romance” (Hsu 1981).

Following the end of the reign of Mao Tse-tung, along with the collapse of the former USSR, a fairly rapid pace of social, political, and economic changes occurred in China (e.g., Croll 2006; Tang and Parish 2000; Wang 2004). The post-Mao Chinese government has steadily encouraged economic modernization and the development of economic practices based upon free market principles similar to those found in Westernized countries. Social policies, such as the notable “One-Child Policy,” have been relaxed over recent years (Denyer 2015), allowing for individuals to better seek mates who are compatible in terms of number of children they desire to procreate. Whereas Chinese culture once emphasized the role of family in the selection of partners, with a strong tendency toward arranged marriages (Yang 1968), young Chinese adults now have greater choice in such decisions (Xu 1994). When combined with other changes, such as higher rates of educational attainment for women (Li 1994; Wu and Zhang 2010) and increased sexual activity among young adults (Feng and Quanhe 1996), it is likely that both culture preferences and actual behaviors concerning dating and mate selection may be undergoing substantial changes in China, as well.

The economic changes have had a considerable effect upon traditional family structures and behaviors. The collectivist nature of Chinese culture has been altered by economic factors in several substantial ways (see Yang 2011). First, there has been a steady shift away from collectivism toward individualism, causing people to give priorities to their own needs, rather than those of their family or larger society. Second, traditional marital relationships, often formed as a matter of practicality, have diminished and been replaced by a preference for relationships based on romance and Western notions of love. Finally, Chinese women, by virtue of their increasing educational and occupational attainment, now have greater economic independence, thus lowering their need to secure a spouse as a way of ensuring financial security. Hence, the traditional combination of marriage, sex, and family, as upheld by long-standing Chinese cultural expectations, has become less influential, particularly in regard to serving as a foundation of dating and partner selection.

Younger cohorts, who have had greater exposure to increasing individualism and Western culture, may approach dating and mate selection in a different manner from the previous generation. However, these younger cohorts must also recognize the existence of long-standing norms, as filial obligation remains a very tangible value in Chinese culture (Chui and Hong 2006), and continues to bind children to their parents. Indeed, recent studies have suggested that dating (Kim 2005) and decisions within marriage, itself, are still strongly affected by Chinese parents (Pimentel 2000). Given the relative paucity of research on dating and intimate relationships within China, it is difficult to accurately discern how these changes may be affecting young adults’ dating behaviors. When combined with other changes, such as migration, urbanization, income growth, increased social inequality, consumer culture, mass media, the Internet, and personal communication devices, some qualitative research suggest that both attitudes and actual behaviors concerning dating and mate selection are undergoing change in at least one of China’s largest cities. Research in Taiwan suggests that young adults are shifting their perspectives on dating and romance, away from traditional expectations (see Chang and Chan 2007). Zhang and Kline (2009), using a sample from mainland China, found that many young adults found their partner on their own accord but still maintained a desire to satisfy their parents’ wishes. In contemporary China, it is quite likely that both traditional expectations and newer, more modern attitudes concerning dating and partner selection are present. Whether one set of expectations is more influential, or if there is a merger or evolution of new attitudes concerning dating and partner selection, remains to be seen.

Among Chinese youth, attitudes and expectations concerning dating and intimate relationships will also likely vary between females and males. In terms of dating and partner preferences, researchers have noted a considerable difference between the sexes, with a substantial double standard still prevailing (Piotrowski et al. 2016). For men, the ideal quality in a woman is beauty, while for women, the ideal quality in a man is intelligence (Xia and Zhou 2003). Generally, Chinese women are expected to marry at an earlier age, while they are still at the peak of their physical appearance and capacity to bear children, whereas men are expected to marry at a later age, after they have achieved financial success (Piotrowski et al. 2016). Recent studies suggest that stereotyped perceptions of young men and women exist (Jankowiak and Li 2014). Men are more often regarded as serious, ambitious, stubborn, deceitful, independent, and powerful, while women are viewed as quiet, anxious, excitable, gentle, depressed, shy, and jealous (Jankowiak and Li 2014).

In order to more fully comprehend these gender differences within Chinese culture, a much longer historical context must be considered. Gender ideologies in China have long been founded upon the general belief that women are supposed to be submissive and secondary to men (Bloodworth 1973). With Confucian philosophy, women are expected to maintain the three rules of obedience: (1) obeying their fathers and brothers prior to marriage, (2) obeying their husbands within marriage, and (3) as a widow, obeying their adult sons (Chia et al. 1997; Yang 1968). This set of beliefs, while seemingly outdated in contemporary society, is nonetheless one which has a very long existence within the Chinese culture. Indeed, several studies have suggested that even in the face of modernization and the influence of Western culture, traditional gender attitudes may persist. Researchers have found that many Chinese adults maintain traditional beliefs concerning the division of household labor (Cook and Dong 2011) and the responsibilities of child care (Rosen 1992). Males are still generally assumed to occupy the provider role within the family (Chia et al. 1997).

The relative roles and status of Chinese females and males have been patriarchal in nature for many centuries, yet these long-standing differences may be changing. In terms of educational attainment, for example, women’s educational attainment rates, which had previously lagged far behind those of men, are now rising. Indeed, both in terms of enrollment and completion rates, women now exceed men in Chinese colleges and universities (Wu and Zhang 2010). Women’s employment, which has always been guaranteed within China, is on par with that of men. Higher levels of educational attainment, coupled with comparable employment and earnings levels, may lead Chinese women to maintain more egalitarian attitudes concerning gender and gender roles. How these gendered expectations affect contemporary dating attitudes and behaviors, though, is yet unknown.

While addressing gender-related issues which may affect the dating and mate selection patterns of young Chinese adults, it is equally necessary to address the sex ratio of the population, itself. One lasting effect of the one-child policy, when combined with the traditional preference for sons, is that the current adult population contains more males than females. Currently (based on 2010 census data), the sex ratio for the population of never-married individuals, 15 years of age and above, is 134.5 (Liu et al. 2014). Despite the recent changes to the one-child policy, the skewed sex ratio is expected to create a male marriage “squeeze” for at least a few more decades, thus making it difficult for the current adult male population to find a wife (Guilmoto 2012). It is quite likely that the sex ratio will have an impact, not only upon mate selection but also the preceding dating behaviors. South and Trent (2010) have noted that the sex ratio imbalance is associated with higher levels of premarital sex among Chinese women but is associated with lower levels of premarital sex among men.

Numerous perspectives have been offered as attempts to explain gender differences which have been identified within dating and intimate relationships. Buss and his colleagues (Buss et al. 1990; Buss 2003) have suggested that there is an evolutionary basis for such differences. Males, in this perspective, will seek females with greater physical attractiveness, youth, and chastity, while females will seek out males with greater resources (i.e., financial), intelligence, and ambition. Male preferences will be based upon their desire to obtain a suitable mating partner, for the purpose of bearing offspring, while female preferences will be based upon their desire for a provider/protector. Although this perspective has generated considerable debate, it does not readily address differences which may results from a specific cultural context.

Exchange theory may provide a foundation for better understanding the nature of dating and partner selection in China. Parrish and Farrer (2000) posit that gender roles within China have undergone considerable change, due to both micro-level mechanisms of bargaining (e.g., within couple’s relationships) and macro-level shifts in existing social institutions (e.g., educational and occupational institutions). Given the dramatic increases in both Chinese women’s educational attainment and greater occupational attainment, they now have greater status in many situations, specifically in regard to bargaining and decision-making within personal relationships (Gittings 2006; Guthrie 2008). From a historical perspective, the New Marriage Law of 1950 helped to set into motion a shift toward improved statuses for women, by legalizing gender equality and freedom of choice in both marriage and divorce. These improvements have, in turn, set the stage for a considerable shift away from more traditional forms of dating and mate selection and have also made the potential “Westernization” of ideologies surrounding romance and dating relationships even more likely (Hatfield and Rapson 2005).

The imbalanced sex ratio may also create an environment in which women have even greater influence, particularly in regard to dating and mate selection. Assuming a strong preference for marriage, exchange theory would again support the notion that women, as the smaller population, would have a decisive advantage. The dyadic power thesis (see Sprecher 1988) posits that, in this instance, the relative scarcity of women increases their dyadic power within relationships (see also Ellingson et al. 2004). Hence, women would not only have greater control over the selection of a partner but also wield greater decision-making power within the relationship. This perspective is supported by recent studies which show that Chinese women have become increasingly selective in the marriage market, preferring men with higher salaries, more prestigious occupations, and better living quarters (Liu 2005). Within the context of dating and intimate relationships, men with less social capital (e.g., educational attainment, income, desirable housing) may find it increasingly challenging to find a date, much less a spouse (see Peng 2004). Understandably, the cultural expectation held by Chinese men that women should be docile and tender may greatly complicate men’s search for a partner, as Chinese women’s greater selection power, coupled with changes in the broader culture of dating, may directly counter long-standing gendered expectations (see Parrish and Farrer 2000).