Lulu for guys dating

When I think about how it would feel to be ‘rated’ by an ex on the internet, I start to feel very, very sick. I’ve never been in a relationship that ended well. What would happen if someone compiled a public profile documenting this, a dating dossier that I had no control over?

It might be an account of the time that I cheated, a litany of everything I have ever been late for, the total amount of money that has been spent paying off exasperated taxi drivers who delivered me drunk and vomiting.

Happily, this hasn’t happened to me – yet. But if I wanted to list my problems with my former partners, I could do so using dating app Lulu.

The free app has just launched in the UK, following success in the US (it had over 200,000 users after two months, and a 60 per cent retention rate).

Simply, it allows women to anonymously comment on the men they know and have dated. The app is designed exclusively for women so they can anonymously research any man they're interested in dating.

The dashboard on the UK version of the Lulu app

They can post photos of the men, write reviews and list the best and worst things about their character, style and sense of humour. You don't rate the men yourself (marks out of ten this is not), instead you take a multiple choice quiz and the app works out their score. The men are also assigned hashtags that reflect their best and worst qualities, such as #SweetToMom or #RudeToWaiters.

Gulp. Soon the straight, single men of the UK will be at the mercy of their old girlfriends.

But is this fair? Lulu has plenty of critics, who accuse it of shaming men. They argue it’s an example of reverse sexism and non-consensual objectification isn’t acceptable, whatever your gender. There has even been a lawsuit against it in Brazil.

Sure guys can choose to remove themselves from the app (to appear in the first place they either sign-up or are added by a female friend) but just imagine if it was the other way round and men were ‘rating’ women?

It wouldn’t be on the app store for very long.

And that’s exactly what I thought. Until I spoke to Lulu founder Alexandra Chong.

Lulu founder Alexandra Chong (Photo: Jack Brockway)

“I set out to create a brand and a platform for women,” she told me.

“The idea came to me when I was a law student in the UK. Over lunch in Covent Garden, lots of girlfriends were talking about their experiences - we’d all just begun to online date - and it occurred to me that women are incredibly good at peer-to-peer sharing. I thought it would be wonderful if more people could access that information.”

Chong assures me that Lulu “comes from a pure place. We want to keep things healthy and positive, and get the tone right.”

So, despite appearances, women can’t just trash their ex boyfriends - the rating system is done on a multiple choice basis, with users selecting the statements that fit said-man best, generating a rating out of 10.

(Chong’s husband is a user and supporter of the app, and aspires to be the first man to score an elusive 11.)

The app allows women to 'rate' men via a multiple choice quiz

Chong is also quick to explain that attached women are encouraged to use the app and rate the single males in their life – just like My Single Friend, it’s a way to honestly recommend men that are looking for love.

“I’ve been told that lots of guys have been asking their female friends to download it, saying ‘I’ve got to get a Lulu review!’ They want a rating,” she says.

Chong adds that even though it isn’t in her business plan, she wouldn’t mind if a competitor launched a rival product in which men reviewed women “but we’ve watched guys trying to create apps where they review girls, and they’ve failed.”

She explains that this is because, in her opinion, they focus on sex.

“Lulu is a controversial product, and it gets people talking. Plenty of guys have gone ‘Oh, why don’t we do this,’ but the quality isn’t there.

"They have focused on the sexual side, and the apps exist to talk about various positions, how far the women will go…when you’re selling anything on the app store, there are strong moral guidelines about what you can say, and I think that the men who’d want this kind of product are actually in the minority”.

_{How Lulu looks for Brits #matesovermuff}

To those who accuse Lulu of being juvenile, Chong has a serious point to make:

“Lulu is also about safety. When we date online, we don’t know who we’re meeting, and Lulu means men are held accountable in a way they haven’t been before,” she says.

Could it be that the positives (including safety for women) could outweigh the negative (the potential shaming of men)?

I’m reminded of that immortal Margaret Atwood line: “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”

After being skeptical about the app and its creator, I find that I like Chong enormously.

She is passionate about making the world better for women, both in dating and as a woman in tech.

“We want more balance in the tech world and most of the dating apps are made by guys,” she explains. When every other aspect of our internet lives gets a digital rating, why not apply it to the men we meet?”

Lulu wouldn't have worked in a pre-Tinder world (Alamy)

Tinder, one of the ‘guy made’ apps that Chong refers to has changed dating culture entirely, and I’ve heard men and women despair of its anonymity, the instant yet unfulfilling fix it provides and the way it has turned love into a game.

Even the Tinder working culture has had its problems, with co founder Whitney Wolfe suing her former colleague for harassment.

Lulu probably wouldn’t have worked so well in a pre-Tinder world. But when I think about young single women and what they face on the dating scene, like Chong I want them to have all the information and support that can possibly be made available.

After all, my Twitter feed is full screenshots of the terrible Tinder messages that the women I follow have been sent by men. At least Lulu provides a dedicated platform to share this information in a more measured way, and gives men a chance to prove themselves in a positive way.

Every guy I know wants a five star Uber rating. If by this time next year, they’re aiming for a ten on Lulu too, I think the world will be a nicer place for both single men and women.