Living at parents dating app

You’re single, you’re a mom, you have a job—and you want to date. Me too. So before you tell me it’s impossible, I offer you this: Anything is possible! I know, I know, the logistics of dating as a solo parent who’s working to provide for her family can get tough. I’m right there in the trenches online at single parents' dating sites and on apps, looking for love and, mostly, looking to stay out of trouble. Sometimes it seems I’m swimming in a very shallow dating pool, but I haven’t given up and taken in 50 cats. Yet.

So here’s the lowdown on dating sites I’ve tried as a SWM (single working mother). You should try too. And remember: You can do it at home, at night after the kids go to bed, in your pajamas if you want.

Phone Apps

Tinder
Pros: Tinder is quick and easy. You set it up through your Facebook account and set your preferences within minutes. You won’t waste time filling out large forms and questionnaires, and your pictures are right there on Facebook. (Caveat: Don’t use photos of you with your kids or of them alone, for their safety. You never know.) Whether you identify as straight or LGBTQ, you will find matches, making this a good app for all. Searching for matches is super simple. Once you’ve set age and distance preferences, you start swiping. A simple swipe left, and that dream guy is gone forever; a simple swipe right, and he could end up a match for life! Not to mention, it is a pretty popular app, so there is a big pool of people to choose from.

Cons: You might find some sketchy profiles. Tinder does have a reputation for being a "hook-up app," but not everyone is just down to fool around. I found that many people don’t give a ton of information, so you might have a lot of matches that go nowhere. From search alone you only know age and distance (sometimes the person’s job title and alma mater), and then it’s up to the men to fill in the blanks briefly with some profile description. Some potential candidates don’t even write a thing! This leaves you wondering things like:

• How tall is he/she?
• What does this person do?
• Is this match divorced, separated or single?

The list goes on. The two most frustrating aspects about Tinder: One: since the app picks up where the person is using Wi-Fi and not necessarily where the person lives, you might match with people who are passing through town—but way too far away for a real relationship. Two: once you swipe left, the person is gone for life unless you purchase an upgrade with the ability to take back your “swiping decision.” Plus, in my experience, this site seems to be loaded with men who are simply collecting matches and “liking” you because they’re bored and need something to look at. (Yeah, I said that—and some of my guy friends even agreed with this!) But, mind you, this is probably the same scenario for every app.

In short, you’ll have to hunt hard to strike gold.

Bumble
Pros: What makes it unique is women have to pitch the first message. Guys cannot contact you first. This is a huge pro. Like Tinder, Bumble is easy to set up. It uses your Facebook information and within seconds, voila! There you are, pretty as a picture in your new profile. While I've come across one or two saucy gentlemen, for the most part the men wanted to go on dates pretty quickly. (My experience with Tinder was that men could waste your precious single-mom minutes messaging you back and forth.) Bumble’s biggest plus: You can “take back” a negative, left swipe for free a few times within a day, unlike Tinder. So if you make a mistake or want a second look at someone, you can backtrack and revisit a potential match. This app also is LGBTQ-friendly. Plus, it has a better reputation for being more conducive to relationships.

Cons: Like on Tinder, you’re searching matches knowing very little about them. This feels like a waste of time when you match with someone only to find out that, bam, you’ve got no desire to go out with this jobless fool! I did notice that Bumble users were more apt to fill out the profiles with personal info as compared to Tinder, however. There is also a time limit for you to message the match and for the person to respond, which is annoying, especially because the app can be glitchy.

Bumble has made a few updates that are really helpful to combat the typical dating app woes:

• This app also uses Wi-Fi to pick up a match’s location, but if a person shares where he or she lives, you can find out not only the person’s current location, but the match’s hometown, which makes choosing to swipe right or not much easier.
• The app offers you the chance to use two free filters without charge, so you can filter matches based on anything from height to whether or not the person is active or a smoker.

Hinge
Pros: It’s supposed to be an app for people who want a relationship, which means you should be able to avoid the whole hook-up culture and people claiming to be in “open marriages” or ethically non-monogamous folks. The app strives to be more engaging than others, by having you “like” potential matches’ photos or profile info or questions. The app asks you for more information than other apps—but you can make some information private if you like or not. It really doesn’t take long to fill out at all, even though it asks for more detailed information than Bumble or Tinder.

Cons: If you’re a “free user” and not paying to upgrade, you can only like 10 matches a day. The app tends to skew toward a younger demographic, in their 20s and 30s, which might or might not be an issue for you. One unique thing my straight female friend found was a ton of scam artists. I couldn’t understand why an app that claims that at least 70 to 80 percent of users are looking for real relationships would have such a thing, but my guess is because the app touts that it's “designed to be deleted,” scammers are capitalizing on people who are openly looking for love and might be vulnerable.

Additional apps to try:

Overall:
Best things about apps:

• They’re free unless you go for upgrades.
• Easy to install and run a profile in seconds.
• Unlike websites, creepy people out of your age range and distance cannot contact you.

Phone apps are quick to install and use but often come with glitches. Messages often freeze or are never received. Additionally, because men tend to simply look at the photos without reading the profile blurb, some were caught off-guard and turned off when they discovered I was a mom. Not my problem!

Websites

Match
Pros: Match is well-known, so there's a fair selection of guys (though I can’t promise they’ll be great). Match lets you narrow your search terms, including whether your date has kids and his income range. Photos are easy to upload, and you can pick and choose how many questions you want to answer or leave blank. Match also hosts meet-ups, which are great, but be prepared: If you live in the suburbs, you will have to go to the nearest city to attend. To message people, you have to pay for a subscription. The pro here is that people who are paying are more likely to message back and make dates. This site is LGBTQ friendly.

Cons: A website is more difficult and takes more time than an app, hands down. However, you can filter your matches better, and you can download the Match app if you, like me, are on the go! You will get emailed by anyone and everyone, though, whether they’re in your search parameters or not, so be prepared. Also, it’s difficult to use the site for a trial period to see if you want to pay for a subscription. I recommend signing up when you can find a Groupon. I’ve seen a lot of people succeed on Match, so if you’re going to pay for a service, this is probably it.

Single Parent Meet
Pros: The site doesn’t ask for copious amounts of information, but there are questions and places to “display” your personality. It’s easy to upload your photos as well, so setting up your profile won’t take long. You can narrow your search to weed out certain things you don’t want. This site is LGBTQ friendly.

Cons: In my location, the majority of men were older than 55 or had “questionable” single-parent statuses. I wouldn’t be surprised if some were never single parents and simply thought a single mom might be “easy prey.” I deleted my account quickly, having found the dating pool here to be unbelievably shallow. You might have a different experience.

eHarmony
The quick and dirty: eHarmony worked well for a few of my friends—but none of them were single parents. If you live in a city, chances are you’ll find people nearby to connect with; if you live in the suburbs, prepare for matches 50 miles away. Not practical for a single working mother. They do a nice job with their psychological tests, bound to introduce you to better matches, but the process is long and it costs money. Overall, I recommend avoiding this site unless you have time to set up the profile, want to pay for the features and don’t mind meeting people halfway across your state. This site is not LGBTQ friendly.

OkCupid
The quick and dirty: OkCupid is free (yay!) and works like other web dating sites—you use specific search parameters to filter through matches, which makes your hunt easier. The general profile page is easy to fill out, but there are a billion different questions you can expand on to determine if you’re a match or someone’s “enemy.” A lot of the questions can be good, but fair warning: Some here are racy. I got a few decent dates from OkCupid, but I also got a ton of messages from guys looking for a MILF (barf), or who fake their profiles (adding kids) to scam me. This site is LGBTQ friendly.

PlentyOfFish
The quick and dirty: Plenty of Fish has a lot of users—supposedly 90 million across the globe—which means you have plenty of options to choose from. The site and app is free, however if you want certain features, you’ll have to pay. This site doesn’t tap into any of your social media sites to draw information from, but you can take your photos from there if you like. The profile does ask you to give a lot of information, so this should help you find better matches. But due to the size of the site, don’t be surprised if you get a lot of “fish guts” (bad matches).

Overall
Websites allow you to upload more photos than apps, and you can narrow your search parameters. But they usually take more time to set up. And be prepared to get hit up by creeps or people outside of your dating search terms.

Additional sites to try:

The bottom line, ladies? Make time to date. Will you have the same ease and time you had before you became Mommy? No—but you deserve to have love in your life!