Dating a guy who got a vasectomy

Time was when marriage meant duty to society and an obligation to increase the size of the community. Things have come a long way since then and now having children is no longer seen as a prerequisite to marital happiness. And yet the prospect of marrying a guy with whom you cannot have kids raises some concern. So if you know that your fiancé has a vasectomy done, here is how you can go about it.

Go over your priorities in life

Different things in life are important to different people. For some work and professional success come before personal life while for others a big family is more important than having pots of money. So decide what is more important for you – getting married to this man and him alone or having kids in future. If your idea of a fulfilled life is being a wife and mom, then perhaps you should reconsider your decision to marry a guy who has gone through a vasectomy. On the other hand if you feel that this is the person you have been looking for all your life and nothing or nobody else matters so much, then shrug off your worries about something which is far off into the future.

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Talk it over with him

Once you are certain in your mind that marrying this guy is more important to you than future plans for a family, it may be a good idea to have a chat with him. Since you are already on your way to marry him, it can be assumed that you both are engaged which in turn implies that your fiancé has already given some thought to a future with you. Find out if that future includes having children and how important is a bigger family to your betrothed. Men who undergo vasectomy usually do it after fathering two or more children in previous relationships. Choose a time and place when you are both relaxed and then discuss how you would like your married life to be. If either of you wishes to have children, this would be the time to put the matter out in the open. Don’t be under the impression that once you are married, you will be so happy with each other than you won’t need anyone else. Human beings are rather selfish creatures – the happier they are now, the more they want from life. On the other hand if you both are completely clear that having children is less important than being in a committed relationship, then you know that you both are on the right track.

Find out more about the procedure

Even if having kids is not important for you, if your fiancé has had a vasectomy it makes sense to find out more about the procedure. After all it forms a part of your partner’s medical history and you have a right to know about it since it is going to impact your future together. vasectomy is a surgical procedure which brings about permanent sterilization in men. It is done by cutting the vas deferens tubes between the testicles and the groin and sealing them either with stitches or cauterization. The procedure is usually done under local anesthesia. Because it is less intrusive than tubectomy, vasectomy is one of the most popular means of sterilization; in fact according to a recent US national survey, 12% of married men between 20 and 39 have had a vasectomy and of this 12%, nearly a quarter are in the 35 to 39 age group. So your fiancé having undergone a vasectomy is not anything out of the ordinary. Thousands of men who believe that they don’t want any more kids take this decision and are on the whole satisfied with it, provided it is not done under pressure.

Possibility of reversal

Even if you and your fiancé wish to have a family of your own, his having undergone vasectomy need not prevent you from getting married. There are surgical procedures which make it possible to reverse a vasectomy by re-attaching the tubes that carry the sperm from the testicles into the semen. However keep in mind that reverse vasectomy is a rather specialized procedure and only expert surgeons and urologists are capable of performing one. Also the cost of a reverse vasectomy is quite high, reaching to around $10000 USD and it is rarely covered by medical insurance. And then there is the question of how successful will it be. In the best situation, pregnancy rates are about 75 percent, but the rate drops depending on how long ago the vasectomy was done. Doctors on the whole try to discourage men from having the reversal if it's been 12 or more years since their vasectomies. Still if you think you can afford a reverse vasectomy and your fiancé doesn’t mind going through a relatively more difficult surgical procedure, then you should not worry about letting the vasectomy come in way of your marriage.

Consider other options

If you and your fiancé wish to raise a family and yet want to avoid the expense and difficulty of a reverse vasectomy, how about considering other options of increasingly your family? Adopting a kid is a great way to enlarge your family and at the same time give a little one a healthy chance at life and love. There are dozens of ways to start a new family - Private adoptions, government-subsidized adoption clinics, family adoptions, overseas adoption. But adoption can be expensive as well and it is best to seek counseling before you arrive at any decision. Also it is a good idea to talk to adoptive parents and adopted children, both adult and young ones, for their perspective on adoption. If the expense of adoption bothers you, consider becoming foster parents. Opening your home to children who can’t live with their biological parents is a marvelous thing to do when you can’t have kids.

In the end it is upto you and your partner how you wish to live your life. Your dreams and hopes for a future are yours alone and should not be influenced by anyone else’s idea of what a family and marriage should be like.