Chinese dating american men

Editor’s note: We’ve all seen it, everywhere we go, nearly every day: an American man with a Chinese woman on his arm. We’ve also heard the stories from the foreign man’s perspective about all the cultural differences and the interesting exchanges. But what do these relationships look like from the other side? How do the Chinese girls feel about the differences in opinion, upbringing and situational romance? Here we have a translated article on that exact perspective from a female Chinese journalist dishing the dirt (spoiler alert: it’s not that dirty) on the unavoidable conflict when Chinese women and American men date.

The story of the happily married Chinese woman and American man has been told many times before. In these stories, the two are romantic and blissful. Many believe romantic relationships between Chinese and Americans to be harmonious and happy for both partners. However, because of differences in cultural background and daily habits there are bound to be conflicting views in the relationship.

I have been in America for many years and have seen and heard many stories which underline the conflicting views and other unavoidable problems evident in relationships between Chinese women and American men.

These trivial matters are different in each individual relationship and do not represent general American-Chinese love affairs. However, they always seem to exist when Eastern and Western culture decide to tangle together.

Source: ben pollard

Giving presents and lending money

A woman I know told me a story about her American boyfriend. The two normally got along very well, until one incident occurred which underlined their fundamental differences:

The women and her American boyfriend decided to go for a walk after having dinner together. They passed through a shopping mall. At the mall, she spotted a pair of designer shoes that she had long admired. The shoes were so expensive that she did not dare buy them but she liked to visit the shop to look at them. That particular day, the shoes were on sale. They were originally between $300 and $400 but had been discounted to $120. The woman was thrilled, but quickly realized that she had forgotten her wallet.

The women told her boyfriend that those were the shoes that she really liked.

Her American boyfriend knew that she had been eyeing the shoes for a while and knew that the particular design rarely went on sale. He without a doubt understood his girlfriend’s true intentions and told her if she wanted to buy the shoes he would lend her money.

As soon as her boyfriend spoke, the women became angry. He wouldn’t spend a mere $120 on her? He would only “loan,” her the money? How stingy! Maybe she wasn’t that important to him.

Her American boyfriend sensed that his girlfriend was unhappy and understood why. He tried to explain his reasoning. “When I want to buy a present for you, I will spend money on the present! That’s no problem! But I didn’t plan to buy this for you.”

No explanation would have been fine. To the woman, his explanation only made the situation worse.

They broke up fairly soon after the incident.

The woman is now married; her husband is still American but not the American who offered to “lend her money.”

This story reflects that when Chinese women and American men date there are inherently different ways of thinking. Many American men think that is acceptable to act this way in a relationship. However, Chinese women believe that when a man acts this way it means that he does not love the woman enough. Each has their own reasoning and the clash between the two points of view can only result in conflict.

Pets or meat?

Lucy is one of my good friends, probably my best friend. She is a very daring Chinese woman. She is beautiful, stylish and flirtatious and has had many American suitors.

Lucy recently told me a story about her American boyfriend. They met and are now in a serious relationship. In general, the American man is a good match for her and they get along well.

Once, Lucy invited a group of us to her American boyfriend’s mansion. His home was huge and the grounds included a forest and a lake. The lake was filled with large and small fish.

There were so many fish. We were so excited to go look at them and immediately began thinking of things we could make with them: fish with pickled vegetables, poached sliced fish in hot chili oil and more.

Lucy proposed the idea to her American boyfriend. She asked him if we could go fishing in his lake and cook a meal with fish for him in order to show him the Chinese way of cooking and preparing fish.

Her American boyfriend was stunned. He told her that if they wanted to eat fish he would go to the supermarket to buy it but they could not use the fish in his lake.

After hearing his firm standpoint on this issue, Lucy felt awkward and put on the spot. She was angry but stayed silent. Everyone else gave up on the idea and tried to shift the topic of conversation.

Later, we found out why he had objected: he felt that the fish in his lake were like pets he had raised himself. He never caught them to eat; instead he bought nice fish food and went to the lake every day to feed them. Raising these fish was his hobby.

At the time we all still agreed that the fish were not specifically ornamental and it should not be such a big problem to catch a few to eat.

A pre-nup before marriage

My other friend and her American boyfriend wanted to get married. It was the American boyfriend’s second marriage and he had children with his first wife. Therefore, before getting married, the American boyfriend said to her that he wanted a prenuptial agreement. He did not want to divide the assets he already owned with her and wanted his own children to inherit his property and wealth. They would only jointly own the property and assets he earned while he was married to her. All of this, and they did not even know how the marriage would work out. The whole ordeal was quite unpleasant.

In the case of divorce, American women are protected by law. Every time a man gets a divorce he loses a layer of skin, becoming poorer and poorer as he has to hand half of his assets over to his former wife. Therefore, when it is time for a man to remarry they often ask their new wife to sign a pre-nuptial agreement.

Signing a pre-nup to divide up assets before marriage is a common occurrence in the United States, especially for rich men on their second or third marriage. The American man views his own assets with a rational business mindset. The specific details of a prenuptial agreement are often drawn with suggestions from lawyers and accountants. This business-like approach turns love and marriage into rationality without sentiment.

However, this also has its advantages. Chinese people often say, “Are ugly words ahead?” meaning that one never knows when conflict is coming. When negotiations on a pre-nuptial agreement are completed, a messy future divorce will be avoided.

A Very Hot Kiss

A Chinese girl named Tina spoke to me about her American boyfriend. He was a tall and handsome man. One time, Tina had just finished eating dinner when she met her American boyfriend out for a date. Having not seen her for many days, her American boyfriend gave her a huge kiss.

Tina was infatuated. However, her boyfriend suddenly felt sick. He covered his mouth and ran into the bathroom to vomit.

Tina was confused. “Am I nauseating?” She thought.

The handsome American rinsed his mouth out and came back. He asked Tina, “Why is your mouth so spicy?”

Tina thought back. “Oh!” She realized, “I had Sichuan hot pot for dinner! It’s the spiciest!”

Ever since hearing this story, whenever a girl in our group of friends goes out on a date we always remind her, “Remember not to eat hot pot!”

This is a small joke, but I think it is clear what happened in the story. From the joke, we can see yet difficultly that arises when Chinese women and American men date. 

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Keywords:Relationships between Chinese and AmericansChinese woman and American man date