Dating fatwa gossip girl

Make sure you know your department's and your parent institution's policies as well as the underlying sensibilities--especially if you're attending a public institution in a state that takes an aggressive stance on issues of sexual harassment. If you go through any harassment training, you'll get the sense that you basically can't say anything to anybody--not just because they might take exception, but a third party might as well.

Figure out who if anyone in your department could make a stink about such a tryst. While sensibilities have changed greatly the last few decades, there are still professors who are "Old School. Do what you can to see if there are any bodies buried in shallow graves so that you don't inadvertently unearth a corpse.

Also, please do your best to balance your short term desires with your over-the-horizon needs. You may find that more and more, you are what you're studying and that time is an increasingly valuable resource. When this realization hits, on which side of the divide would you want to be?

All the world's a minefield; watch every step? I'm afraid I have to respectfully disagree with this mindset - I'm not sure that's a very good philosophy for approaching anything at all, let alone a big chunk of your 20s! If someone above you is going to screw you for a petty reason without you ever knowing about it, there's no way for you avoid it anyway. If it's not relationships with fellow students grad or undergrad it could be something you write or something you say or something you wear or something you post, etc.

Also, you call it a short-term desire, but no one said these were one-night-stands. In fact the original post says dating undergrads. People meet future spouses all the time at university. It's possible to exercise common sense and adhere to rules and ethics without neutering all potential relationships just because you might step on some invisible toes. It's true that there is that risk that someone in a position of power could disapprove of what you're doing despite your staying within protocol.

But this is true for almost anything you could possibly do. Maybe someone sees you arriving at 1pm and staying until 10pm and frowns upon that. Maybe someone believes someone of your gender or ethnicity can never succeed in the field. Or the fact that you are in any relationship at all means that you are "distracted" or your priorities are not in academia.

You will never please everyone so I think you should just accept that and be yourself, within reason. In addition, you also mention that some "old school" ways are changing. The hypothetical departmental meeting would be filled with educated people, young and old, and they probably already have their own views on whatever your situation is.

If they don't feel like you did anything wrong, then the hypothetical disapproving prof's opinion wouldn't be considered. If they do think you're in the wrong, then the prof would just be telling them something that they would likely find out eventually anyways.

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It may be better to prioritize your worries to people who you regularly interact with. It would be unwise to doing something you know your supervisor would not approve of even if it's within protocol without considering the consequences. You might end up doing it anyways, but it's worth a second evaluation. As for everyone else, I guess you can decide whether it's worth it or not, but I wouldn't worry too much about how every single person who has power over me which is pretty much everyone would think.

Optimistically, even if someone at your former department mentions bad things about you because of these things, a sensible hiring committee would know that those things don't matter. It's not so much about the fact that you can get in trouble following protocol, but rather that the "written rules" for protocol are not always in sync with the unwritten culture of the institution.

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So even if you're technically "OK" in doing something, it's worth taking the extra time to find out if it's really considered OK or not. Learning the "unwritten rules" of academia, just like any other profession, is exceptionally important to future success.

Similarly, while there's probably always going to be someone waiting to "ding" you for any opinion or action, it's better to know who that person is and what you're doing that ticked them off. It's better to be in the position of making an informed decision to do something knowing the consequences, rather than to do something and unwittingly blunder across an institutional more. We spoke with Craig Jolley, the Deputy Director for the Office of Equal Opportunity, who often deals with issues relating to discrimination and sexual harassment in the academic environment.

In these situations, the NYU administration has the right and responsibility to intervene, although there is no defined method of dealing with inappropriate relationships. All three students discussed their experiences under the condition of anonymity. After the semester ended and grades had been submitted, she sent him a message over Facebook to go out. She was 18 and he was 24, and they dated for three months. She never felt any dangers from dating him because the school year was over, the course was completed, and she had already received her grades. How is he supposed to think about his earlier evaluation of his abilities?

Did he really do well, or did the fact that you liked him grease the skids? This may not be much of an issue because of your limited involvement, and it is likely less of an issue given that men generally aren't subject to a lot of efforts to undermine their confidence in their intellectual abilities, but it is something to consider. The excellent "What is it like to be a woman in philosophy" has a post about a more dramatic version with a male professor and female former student. Date whomever you want, whenever you want, with one proviso If you have a personal relationship with a student -- platonic, non-platonic, or whatever -- get someone else to grade their work whether another TA or the instructor.

This isn't that uncommon of a case. This is quite common at [major research university] where I've TA'd for the better part of a decade. As someone currently in the reverse role about whom this post may even possibly be about? I really don't think it is weird at all, just two adults sharing some love. In fact, I intend to ask my TA out on a date after the semester is over: But if you're interested, I also wouldn't wait for him to make a move, you never know when something special exists and it would be a shame to miss out on it. As a minimally identifying question because this feels strangely like the situation I am in and, if so, would totally be interested!

I think this depends a lot on the culture of the school and the department. It helps a lot, though, that it's an older undergrad. That should tell you everything you need to know about whether it's okay where you are. Once upon a time, well over a year after I had graduated college, I was messing around on a dating site.

I saw a cute girl. And she was a grad student in anthropology - how cool, that's what I majored in for undergrad! So of course I sent her a message.

She replied, was witty and attracted to me and we were all raring to meet up and geek out about New Guinean hill tribes over beers. And then, in the course of our emails back and forth, it was revealed that she was a grad student in Anthro at the very university where I had received my degree in Anthro not two years prior. We'd been there at the same time, and she'd been the TA for some courses during that period. She shut the whole thing down without even meeting me - there was just too strong a possibility that, if we hit it off and started a real relationship, someone at the school would eventually find out, misunderstand, and it could potentially ruin her career even though it would be easy to verify that she'd never actually taught me.

Unless you were to leave the program, perhaps. The OP did not know that this was ok prior to posting this question. I dated a handful of my students during my time as a grad student much of my twenties, in three different graduate degrees, and in two large public universities. So did my peers. The faculty did not care what happened after the semester was done.

Just follow that golden rule - you cannot judge this student ever again or write a letter of rec. I am still in academia and we still don't care what happens after the course is done.

My point was that if the OP is nervous about people at his school finding out that he asked the question, he should probably be nervous about dating the student, and if not, then not. Right, got that after posting my comment. But it still means nothing. Many people on AskMe post relationship questions anonymously to keep that out of their posting history. What's wrong with that? Your test If you cannot post this under your own username then you shouldn't be doing it is just plain wrong. As much as I wouldn't like to admit, I falsely assumed the OP was male.

I found it a little creepy, but only because of a past experience. I slept with a TA in undergrad and in hindsight it was a bad idea, mostly because I wasn't really attracted to him but was kind of into the fact that he stared at my ass and flirted with me. O, the things we do as naive, insecure girls The fact that you're older than the student, a female, and the prof makes it way hotter.

Just make sure that he's single before you make any advances. What is the age diff? I think if the question you're posting anonymously to ask is "would it be ethical to pursue a relationship in this context? Not because being anonymous is bad, but because the poster seems to already know deep down that this is sketchy or she would have just put her name on it. OP, I have no idea whether it's a problem in your case or not.