Dating a vad girl

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Pompey: Men are hunters by nature and love the thrill of the chase. Men like bad girls because they represent the ultimate chase. It is every guy's dream to ride in on the white horse to tame or "save" a "bad" girl. But this is a fool's errand.

A bad girl is elusive and can never truly be tamed. That won't stop a man from trying over and over again. He may get burned every time, but the excitement of the journey is just too much of an adrenaline rush.

Why do sensible choices manifest in a laboratory but not in a bar?

Pompey: In a controlled experiment I might appear to be a man who makes his bed in the morning, doesn't consider a decorative pillow to be the work of the devil, and doesn't wait until all 57 pairs of socks are dirty before finally doing laundry. But I'm a bit different in real life.

The truth is, no matter how controlled an experiment, there is always room for error. I don't necessarily think the experiment is that far off. But I also think it depends largely on the context of the man in question, his age, maturity level, relationship status, and current needs in  life— just a few of the many factors that will play a role in his attraction toward other women. The reason that the results of the laboratory experiment don't measure up to a bar is simple. Let's go back to the "men are hunters by nature" theory.  Putting a single man in a bar is the modern-day version of the ultimate hunt for a man.

What's your advice for men who keep falling for the wrong kind of women?

Pompey: It's all about priorities and deciding what one truly wants in life. People are creatures of habit and have a hard time breaking cycles of poor choices that have been plaguing their lives for years, sometimes even decades. Self-actualization is the first step toward finding a healthy relationship. Once a man comes to terms with why he is making poor choices with women and what he truly wants in women instead, he can take active steps toward making the right decisions for himself.

Do you agree that deep down, men really do prefer nice women?

Pompey:  Yes, but I would also argue that men strongly associate nice women as women who are not nearly as fun, exciting and open as bad girls. This is a blanket statement and generalization that is often not true, but perception is everything.

So how should a nice girl attract a man? The best thing a nice girl can do to attract a man is to demonstrate alluring qualities a bad girl has, without actually being a bad girl. Know what men want from women. As a woman, show that you are open to trying new things, are fun, adventurous, exciting, and have a sexual side, without providing all the drama that a typical bad girl brings to the table. The more you could demonstrate these qualities while still maintaining the qualities that make you a nice girl, the more a man will feel as if he won the jackpot and the best of both worlds.

Joshua Pompey offers afree online dating profile guide.