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Best dating sites for introverts, wallflowers, and anyone hesitant to try online dating
Not shy? Find yourself here by mistake? Perhaps you'd like our roundup of the best hookup sites instead.
Online dating is kind of the best thing that ever happened to introverts.
You can now scan for a potential mate without ever leaving the comfort zone that is your couch. Of course, eventually you'll need to get up and actually go on a date. But hey, it's better than trying to find a single cutie in the dive bar crowd or approaching a random person in a coffee shop.
Being introverted doesn't necessarily mean you're shy, but if you are a little more reserved than outgoing, dating apps can be a great way to make a first move without feeling like you're putting yourself out there too much.
Tinder seems to be the go-to for anyone dabbling with online dating, but it's not automatically an easy place to socialize just because it's behind a screen. It's crowded, full of users with unspecified intentions, and has more going on than most introverts feel like dealing with. If endless swiping and next to no filters have you feeling more discouraged than hopeful, it doesn't mean you're too much of an introvert for online dating — maybe all you need is a dating site that gives you more control.
If the idea of making conversation in large groups or going up to strangers is your personal idea of hell, there are dating services out there that cater to your specific needs. Have a hard time coming up with the perfect first line? There's an app for that. Prefer to make meaningful connections without revealing what you look like? We found a few websites with features that can let you do just that too.
To help you heighten your odds of finding the person to match your awesomeness, we rounded up 13 of the best dating sites for introverts just like you. There are even a couple specifically for hooking up — just because you're introverted doesn't mean you don't like to get it on. We see you.
Match
Incognito Mode lets you browse anonymously and view profiles without the other person knowing.- Free version: Yes
- One month: $35.99
- Three months: $59.97 ($19.99 per month)
- Six months: $107.94 ($17.99 per month)
- 12 months: $191.88 ($15.99 per month)
How it works:Match is pretty much an open dating service. There's absolutely no limit to who you connect with, or how often. After you set your dating criteria, the site will display possible matches. You can tweak or fine-tune the results as you wish.
Features for introverts: Large crowds can be scary, but Match regularly hosts meet-up events where you can create genuine relationships over time. If you enjoy browsing anonymously, there's a feature called Incognito Mode that allows you to view profiles without the other person knowing.
If you don't find a partner within six months, Match will give you six more months of the service for free, which means you can take your time looking for your absolute ideal match.
What it'll cost you: You can join for free, or opt for more features with a premium membership. On a month-to-month basis you'll pay $35.99, where a three-month plan works out to $19.99 per month, a six-month plan $17.99 per month, and a 12-month plan $15.99 per month
Hinge
Prompts provide a jumping off point for conversation.- Free version: Yes
- One month: $19.99
- Three months: $39.99 ($13.33 per month)
- Six months: $59.99 ($9.99 per month)
How it works: A Hinge profile is made up of six photos/videos and three prompts, plus basic personal information like age, height, location, education, career, drinking habits, etc.
In your discover page, you'll see one potential match at a time and you're able to like or respond to any of their prompts or photos — just tap on the heart in the lower corner and you'll be given the option to type something in or just leave it at a like. In your "likes you" section you'll see everyone who has liked or responded to something on your profile and you have the option to respond, let them start the conversation, or pass on them.
The free version of Hinge only lets you see one like at a time and you have to make a decision on them to see the next one. Preferred members can see all of their matches at once and choose which ones they want to respond to first.
Features for introverts: Because the app is so prompt focused, introverts will have a jumping off point for starting a conversation. The prompts also allow you to show off some of your personality that might not come across naturally if you're more reserved.
Hinge also has integrated virtual video dating if you're not ready to meet in person yet.
What it'll cost you: The basic version is completely free and is pretty extensive. You can totally use the app longterm without paying a cent — you'll just have to sift through matches one-by-one. If you like the freedom to browse, you might want to upgrade. Preferred members also get their profiles seen more, so it could be worth it if you're really looking for a relationship. One month of preferred is $19.99, three months is $39.99, and six months is $59.99.
Bumble
Men get a better idea of which women actually want to talk and women get less creepy messages.- Free version: Yes
- One week: $9.99
- One month: $24.99
- Three months: $49.99 ($16.66 per month)
- Six months: $79.99 ($13.33 per month)
- Lifetime: $119.99
Matches expire after 24 hours so you can't agonize over that opening line for too long, and your match list won't be filled with people you forgot you matched with 57 weeks ago. It's a win-win setup for introverted men who don't have the confidence to message first and for women who are tired of being bombarded.
You'll see pictures and short bios of potential matches in your area and can swipe depending on whether you're interested. It's a pretty close mock of Tinder, except for the fact that Bumble relieves the anxiety of accidentally swiping left on a hottie by letting you backtrack. Bumble also offers a to find strictly platonic friends and a in attempts to remind everyone that it's not just a hookup app.
Filtering by zodiac sign is also a thing as of 2019. The internet is divided over whether this will actually help you find people you'd get along with, as the feature only incorporates sun signs and anyone with basic astrology knowledge knows that sun signs aren't a tell-all. However, if someone just went through a messy breakup with a Virgo, they have the right to not want to mess with a Virgo for a while.
OkCupid
An Incognito mode lets you remain invisible to everyone on the site unless you like or message them.- Free version: Yes
- One month: $9.99
- Three months: $23.99 ($7.99 per month)
- Six months: $29.99 ($4.99 per month)
How it works: Algorithms, formulas, heuristics — the site uses a lot of crazy math stuff to help people find their matches faster. You'll see a percentage rating on each profile you encounter, letting you know the odds of success.
Features for introverts: You can really be yourself on OkCupid. Whether you're looking for the relationship of your dreams, a one-night stand, or a sham marriage (seriously, we’re not judging), OkCupid doesn't care unless you're being a jerk about it. On OkCupid, you’re more than just a photo, you can share stories, your passions, and pretty much anything else you want and feel totally at home.
What it'll cost you: A basic account is always free. But there are some paid extras you can enjoy if you want a more premium experience. If you pay for the A-List membership, you can cut out the ads, you get more search options like body type and attractiveness, you can see everyone who likes you, and you can see who reads your messages, among other useful things.
There's an incognito mode that lets you be invisible to everyone on the site unless you like or message them. A-list memberships cost $19.95 for one month, $14.95 per month for three months, and $9.95 per month for six months. Access to incognito mode is a separate charge not included with A-list.
eharmony
RelyID helps verify the information provided by other members, like their name, city, and age so you can avoid being catfished.- Free version: Yes
- One month: $59.95
- Three months: $89.85 ($29.95 per month)
- Six months: $179.40 ($29.90 per month)
How it works: eharmony uses a compatibility matching system that pairs relationship hopefuls based on 29 different dimensions of compatibility. To get started, just fill out the relationship questionnaire, and once you're confirmed as legit, the website will start sending you your compatible matches.
How it helps introverts:eharmony has a feature called RelyID that helps verify the information provided by other members, like their name, city, and age. You know what that means? No catfishing. Also, your profile is only visible to the people who are a good match for you, so the experience can help to narrow your potentials down to only those who are actually a good fit.
Results from your personality quiz plus prompts you answer and photos you upload help steer conversation, so you'll have plenty of jumping off points. But there's also Guided Communication, a four-step program of communication with your matches, if you need a little extra help. Basically, it's a series of questions that help to break the ice. If that doesn't work, the site also offers free dating advice.
What it'll cost you: eharmony's pricing heavily fluctuates depending on where and when you sign up. Tentatively, one month of the service will cost you $59.95, three months cost $89.85, and six months go for $179.40. Regardless of current price, eharmony is one of the most expensive mainstream dating sites out there.
EliteSingles
Career-focused individuals take an advanced personality test that really analyzes who will complement you.- Free version: Yes
- Three months: $113.85 ($37.95 per month)
- Six months: $167.70 ($27.95 per month)
- 12 months: $239.40 ($19.95 per month)
How it works: In order to find like-minded matches, EliteSingles has you take an in-depth personality test. The test will evaluate you on your level of openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Based on the results, the smart profiling can send you three to seven compatible matches every day.
How it helps introverts: Since the personality test can identify the traits that really make you who you are, the dating service can match you with exactly the type of personality you'd be most compatible with.
The extensive personality testing leads to interesting conversation starters and it's easier to find people you'll have things in common with. You can even identify yourself as an introvert.
What it'll cost you: It's free to sign up, but if you want to enjoy any of the most important features like daily matches, it'll cost you $37.95 per month for three months or $27.95 per month for six months. An annual membership will run you $19.95 per month. Each membership requires that you pay the entire duration upfront.
Zoosk
Panicked about sending messages? Use the Super Send feature and allow Zoosk to do it for you.- Free version: Yes
- One month: $29.99
- Three months: $59.99 ($20 per month)
- Six months: $75.99 ($12.50 per month)
- 12 months: $149.99 ($12.50 per month)
How it works: Like a good wingman (or wing woman), Zoosk starts to understand you more and more as time goes on to help introduce you to the person you can spend the night or rest of your life with. The site's unique algorithm recognizes your preferences through the actions you take. The more you interact with the site, the better it can match you with your ideal human.
Features for introverts: The SmartPick can really be your best friend, serving as the best icebreaker. If both you and someone you're interested in both vote "yes" on each other's profiles, the SmartPick feature will let you know the good news by email and shoot you a message in your Zoosk inbox. Another good option is the Super Send feature, which could help eliminate the scary feeling from being the one to make the first move. Choose a message to break the ice, then allow Zoosk to blast it out to other members for you using Super Send. If someone indicates they're interested by writing back, then you get to view each other's profiles.
What it'll cost you: A one-month subscription will run you $29.99, three months costs $20 per month, six months is just $12.50 per month, and 12 months is the same at $12.50 per month.
Coffee Meets Bagel
Skip the endless browsing altogether: Coffee Meets Bagel sends curated matches and encourages meeting up.- Free version: Yes
- One month: $34.99
- Three months: $74.99 ($25 per month)
- Six months: $119.99 ($20 per month)
- 12 months: $179.99 ($15 per month)
How it works:CMB uses an algorithm that takes into consideration basic info like your location, age, ethnicity, height, and religion, plus more nuanced criteria like your social network and interests to pair you with potential matches. You'll need a Facebook account to join.
Features for introverts: Instead of swiping, browsing, poking, and messaging your way into someone's inbox only to never hear back, this app will send you a potential match every day at noon. Men receive curated matches based on the algorithm and women will only be presented with potential matches (called Bagels) that have already expressed interest. LGBTQ members are sent preselected potential matches every day.
Once there's a connection, the app sends you to a private chat room with icebreaker questions to get things started. CMB also follows up to encourage your first date. Chatting expires after seven days to encourage people to actually start a conversation.
What it'll cost you: For a one-month membership, you'll pay $34.99. For three-month renewals the cost is $25 per month and for six-month renewals you'll pay $20 per month. If you want to just go ahead and sign up for the whole year, you'll be charged $15 per month.
Lex
Lex operates like a fun, sexy, interesting newspaper ads section.How it works: Inspired by newspaper ads, Lex is a text-based app where you can write personal "ads" and notes about yourself or the type of partner you're looking for. There's no swiping and no selfies, though you can connect your Instagram if you'd like.
Features for introverts: Because there are no photos, you can really hide behind a screen and your words. Lex is more like a queer social media platform than a traditional dating app. You can post, edit, and delete your ads 24/7 and chat with other users via in-app messaging.
Lex is low-key and low-pressure with a community vibe. There are search and filter functions that allow you to find exactly what you're looking for. It's an especially great app if you're recently out and nervous about diving into the queer dating pool.
What it'll cost you: Nothing — it's totally free.
Happn
Too scared to approach cuties you see in passing? Happn makes it easier by introducing strangers who are within walking distance.- Free version: Yes
- One month: $24.99
- Six months: $89.99 ($14.99 per month)
- 12 months: $119.99 ($9.99 per month)
How it works: Believing in love at first sight is kind of hard when you're too nervous to introduce yourself at first sight. Happn uses your current location to alert you of other users nearby, so if you're too scared to talk to a random cutie on the train or in a coffee shop, Happn can help you match with them and tip you off to other singles who are nearby. It's like having a wingman (minus the bad jokes).
Features for introverts: While Tinder (and most other dating apps) use your location to some extent, most still require some effort to actually see the person IRL.
Perhaps there's someone you pass on your walk every morning who has caught your eye, but you've accepted the fact that you'll never meet them — because there's no way in hell you're going to start a conversation. If your unidentified crush also has Happn, they'd essentially get a notification that you exist. If they're interested too, Happn will match you and the conversation can start from there. There's also an interactive map that shows everyone you've crossed paths with in the last seven days.
If you're really nervous, you can "secret like" someone and they won't know that you've liked them unless they also like you. This app has plenty of features for people nervous about traditional online dating.
The "Are you single?" conversation is easily one of the most awkward parts of going up to a hottie in a crowd, but Happn helps to detect who's looking and who's not (if they have the app, of course). said it best: "Happn formulates a happy medium between algorithmic online dating and chance encounters."
What it'll cost you: Most features are free, but you can upgrade to a premium account to see everyone who's liked you, use invisible mode to avoid matching with people at a certain location, hide information on your profile, and more. A premium account is $24.99 for one month, $89.99 for six months and $119.99 for 12 months.
Anomo
Match anonymously and get to know people with icebreaker questions — you don't even need to upload a profile picture.How it works: There are a bunch of different ways you can get to know someone on Anomo. You can try one of the ice breakers games, post something interesting, or engage in the fun conversations. You pretty much chat with who you want that's around you.
Features for introverts: Anomo is 100% about keeping things casual, at least at first, giving you time to feel out the situation. Unlike other dating apps out there, Anomo starts you off with just an avatar. In fact, all of your personal information is locked from the start, so only you can see it. You can play games with other hopefuls and over time, the app matches you with people who share similar interests. As you get to know someone better, you can decide to reveal yourself.
What it'll cost you: Absolutely nothing. The app is totally free.
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