When to message girl after meeting on dating site

When it comes to making the move from digital chat to real-life chat, my tactic was always to move slowly and really get to know the person well before moving on to setting up an actual date. Oftentimes, what would happen was either the conversation would dry up or, when we did finally meet up in person, there was an inevitable letdown. I figured that was just how online dating went. Turns out, that’s because I was doing it all wrong. According to dating expert and licensed marriage and family therapist Anita Chlipala, the timeline should be more in the range of “two to three days, enough to establish safety but not enough time to know important things about them via text instead of in person. You want to meet in person as quickly as possible because some people can have great texting chemistry but then aren't attracted to the person.”

Online dating coach and relationship expert Damona Hoffman agrees. When it comes to moving from texting to the first date, the sooner the better.

“You want to keep the texting light, playful and short-lived before the first date,” Hoffman tells Elite Daily. Why? Because texting creates a false sense of intimacy that may lead to oversharing, since “when you are getting to know someone over text, you inevitably end up sharing things that you would never say face-to-face.”

In my experience, the longer you draw out the pre-texting, the less likely you actually end up connecting in real life. But as online dating expert Julie Spira explains, it can often just be because online dating is a numbers game.

“Since singles are chatting with multiple people at a time, after a few days, or a few weeks, the decision to meet will lose its spark, or your digital flirtation might find someone else in the process," Spira tells Elite Daily. She does agree that “texting is a great way to ramp up your digital flirting with someone you’ve met online,” but says you should limit the amount of time and energy you spend on it before meeting in person.

The other risk you run, Spira says, is creating “a false illusion that you’re already in a relationship. Until you have the chance to speak with your potential date on the phone and go on a date, you’re in a stage that I call the 'digital pen pal' syndrome.” So yeah, basically every episode of Catfish, ever.