Signal dating apps

“Dear S&M, how do I actually meet a nice boy to date on dating apps like tinder or bumble? Everyone I match with seems to only have a one-time hookup on their mind, but I’m not that kind of girl! Am I giving off the wrong signal or something?”

—You’ve got mail

Dear You’ve got mail,

Like real life, using apps such as Tinder or Bumble to meet possible romantic prospects can be intimidating. However, in our experience, it’s better to go in with confidence about who you are and what you want. 

First things first: everyone has something different that they’re looking for romantically. Don’t feel bad if you’re uninterested in casual sex or one-night stands and don’t feel pressured to partake. 

You’re probably not giving off the wrong signal, but here are some tips to make sure you’re getting your message across. 

First, be direct. If someone asks you to come over at 3 a.m., just politely say, “No thanks, that’s not really for me. If you would like to grab a coffee sometime I’d love to though!” 

There are exceptions to every rule, but early morning invitations tend to be about hookups, not dates and it’s sometimes hard to break out of that pattern once you start. This way you get the message across while being polite and still open to meeting them. 

If they say no, it’s water off a duck’s back, you guys have different relationship goals and now you can move on.

Secondly, if you make plans to hang out, suggest daytime activities that clearly show you aren’t interested in a rendezvous the first time you meet. Coffee, movies, lunch, art galleries and walks by the water are our personal favourite daytime date activities. 

Thirdly, when you match with a boy, flex that personality and show non-physical interest in him. Instead of complimenting his appearance, talk to him about his favourite music or restaurant and casually mention how fun it would be to do an activity together. 

For example, if he loves rock music, say, “Next time I go to Brian’s you should join and help me pick out some good choices.” Bam! A daytime date that shows interest in non-physical characteristics. 

Finally, be willing to put yourself out there. Some of our most respectful dating app experiences have come from guys who’ve told us “sorry, but I’m not looking for anything serious” when we suggest a non-sex meet up.  

There are guys who are interested in getting to know you, but you also have to be willing to have a conversation with them. 

While it may seem like everyone on dating apps is just looking for some one-time fun, you’d be surprised to know just how many are looking for the same things as you. 

Sometimes it can be draining, but remember, these apps were created to be fun. 

Dating isn’t supposed to be so serious, or it would be called “doing your taxes”.  Some of our best and funniest stories have come from dating apps. Just relax, be yourself and be confident in what you want — you’ll do great! 

Have fun, ask interesting questions, and get to know some cute guys. Remember to always be safe: meet up in public and tell your pals who you’re meeting up with and when you’re going. It’s unfortunate that we even have to say that but you’ve got to watch out for yourself out there! 

Go forth and swipe away! We’ll be cheering for you from here, baby!

— S&M