Men without mothers dating

10-14-2013, 06:43 PM

@lilyflower3191981, why do you keep posting in bold?

10-14-2013, 07:04 PM

It takes a strong man to date a single mother. But, you have to take into consideration the women who may be widows. Not all single mothers are ready to throw in the towel. And, if they are fairly young I'm sure they are willing to have another child if the boyfriend knows how to treat her.

10-14-2013, 07:10 PM

I think a lot of the men who refuse to date single women are fairly and fairly immature. Their reasons are usually pretty selfish; they enter into relationships with women to get their own sexual needs met, and they see women's obligation to children as getting in the way of that.

I suspect many men change their views a bit if they are still single in middle age. Less than 20% of heterosexual women over 35 have no children. If older men stuck to that rule, they would eliminate 80% of the women in their age range before they even go on a first date!

10-14-2013, 07:19 PM

Interesting.

To me personally, I've dated two single fathers. I figured this out a long time ago. It was ME who could not handle dating a single father. I simply could not and cannot bond with any children who are not biologically mine. Do I believe I am selfish or immature? I don't think so.

I won't say those men who refuse to date single mothers are immature or selfish because everybody is entitled to his or her own dating preferences.

I do agree with your second paragraph, "If older men stuck to that rule, they would eliminate 80% of the women in their age range."

I don't think men or women who choose to love or date single parents are really going for the "man or woman of the year award." I don't think men or women who choose to date or love single parents are REAL men REAL women, or BETTER men or women. LOL I think they just genuinely fall in love with somebody who happen to be single parents. It certainly takes MORE patience and dedication to make the relationships work though.

Attraction, compatibility, mutual respect and love come first before single parents status for most people. Just my .02

10-14-2013, 08:15 PM

This is not true in all cases of single moms. Just my observations.

If the single mom had her heart broken by the father of her kids and at a very young age, say under the age of 25, she will most likely never love that way again and never allow herself to be hurt by another man like that again.

She instead is mean to the nice single guys she meets, or she marries a nice single guy and just really doesn't love him as much as he loves her.

Maybe some single guys pick up on the bitterness or attitude, and that turns them off to all single moms.

10-14-2013, 08:56 PM

Not the case for every guy... so this can be disregarded if we're talking about what's universally true and false about guys' attitudes toward dating single women.

You have to admit, this is purely logical. If the man is not already a father himself, he will have to hit the ground running. Not only will the children ALWAYS be top priority to the mother, but they will tend to disobey him on the rationale of "you're not my daddy" if they're old enough to know.

This is true in some cases, for both genders. Before she got together with me, my wife had been dating a single father (of four) who hooked her by telling her he was open to having more kids but eventually confessed to having no desire to have more kids. So, this doesn't only peg women. However, not all single moms are averse to having more kids. It's largely dependent upon a bunch of factors, all in varying combinations: 1) the woman's age, 2) the number of kids she already has, 3) the experience she's had being a mother so far, etc.

I have often wondered why there aren't more single dad - single mom relationships... the only guess I have is that there are far more single moms than single dads... and that childless aren't as averse to dating single dads as childless men are to dating single moms. There's also the male ego... if the kids' dad is still involved in the kids' lives after splitting from the woman, the "new guy", no matter how long he sticks around, will have to be constantly reminded that some other man has carnal knowledge of his woman... HIS woman... HIS... HIS... think like a man here... that woman is HIS... and SOME OTHER MAN has HAD SEX WITH HER!!!! It's paradoxical but true. Men want to have their conquests and then settle down with a snow-white virgin purity goddess who belongs only to him. (Okay, so most men don't live that out, but studies abound to prove that the type of woman he wants to fool around with is nothing like the type of woman to whom he wants to say "I do" in front of Mom and everyone else in his family!)

You have to know that this is true. Either the ex is still involved (which encroaches on the man's domain, and also raises the risk of them reconciling) or he is not (meaning that the woman is likely involved in a child support battle, where the "new man in her life" will at some point be expected to provide for her AND the children who aren't his, in a way that the biological father is supposed to be but isn't). A childless man has a certain amount of time and energy to put into a relationship. A single mom is either a welfare queen (and who wants one of those?) or a full-time career woman... if we assume that the man also has a full-time career, all other things being equal, a career man and career woman would have about the same amount of time and energy left for each other after working. However, a career woman who is also a single mom has to pay attention to her child(ren) and provide for him/her/them, in addition to working. This means an imbalance in the amount of time and energy that she will have for him, compared to how much time and energy he has for her. Men have limited tolerance for playing second fiddle in their ladies' lives.

You can't say "never". But as I explained above, the average single mom's schedule is substantially more packed than the average childless mom's schedule.

Yeah, probably... unless the single mom has other relatives nearby who can babysit the child(ren) whenever necessary so as to facilitate dates and free time.

If they're old enough to know what's up. Few kids would prefer a "new man" to "Daddy", unless Daddy was a truly horrible man. All kids want Mommy and Daddy to stay together and get along nicely.

"Sexy" is a state of mind, not a state of body. All women are physically sexy to someone of the male gender (generally many such someones), and when it comes to the physical sexiness of mothers, I'm sure we have all encountered the term "MILF". Inappropriate though that is, it does attest to how there is a substantial contingent of men who believe that a substantial contingent of women who have born children are still physically attractive enough to get them excited.

Without bringing my beloved Bible into this argument, there is otherwise no reason to attach any stigma or automatic disapproval to a dating relationship between a childless man and a single mother. Ultimately, egocentric males disapprove of such relationships because they see the guy as a good catch and the single mom as a high-mileage used car... "why would he buy a '98 Malibu with 140,000 miles on it when he could get an '08 Malibu with 30,000 miles for the same price?". I'm not sure why women would disapprove, because I'm not a woman. I, personally, tried dating two single mothers and couldn't get over it. One was 15 years older than me, and had a son five years younger than me. My stepson would've been my weightlifting buddy. AWK-ward. That wasn't the only reason why we called it off, but it was one reason. The other lady, 10 years older than me, had FIVE children... all of whom essentially fell in love with me the first time they met me. I don't know what was up with that... it sure disproves "the kids are ALWAYS working against you". By the end of the day, they were hanging on me, playing with me, etc... one even said "When you marry my mommy......" and I don't remember what came next because my knee-jerk silent reaction was "What the heck?! You just met me after lunch!".

People tend to bash things about which they have little actual knowledge or with which they have little actual experience because:

1) they have nothing better to do,

2) their ordinary lives provide so little emotional stimulus that they must create emotional stimulus by finding SOMETHING... anything... to bash,

3) they feel better about themselves when they judge an entire group of people to be inferior to them.

My thoughts are that they take the stuff I mentioned earlier and egotistically ascribe it to every childless man, automatically rendering them incapable of understanding how it is that a childless man might see true long-term value and worth in a relationship with a woman who has already born children. Such relationships can work out quite well. I used to teach a family where the mother had one child when she married the father (who at the time had no children) and they had seven more children together. They always appeared happy and cohesive as parents, and the family seemed relatively light on dysfunction. How can anyone knock that?

10-14-2013, 09:47 PM

Some men may date, but will not marry a girl that is not a virgin. Just sayin.'

10-14-2013, 10:54 PM

The OP really missed the biggest reasons for men to avoid single women with children. In the first place, if this leads to marriage, you will not be allowed to discipline the child because "you are not the dad." So in the home you will likely provide the majority of the financial support, you have no say in how the child is raised. So problems, dramma, conflicts come up, you're out as far as having input, but you might very well be expected to support the wife, no matter what, even if you think she's wrong. Not only that but you'll be expected to be part of the financial support system, especially in a pinch, even though the child is not yours. So the bottom line is, you get all the hassle and responsibility of having to help raise the child, even babysitting sometimes, but you'll have little control or credit when its all over. As has been seen in forums on this web site, many women consider their children a much more important relationship than the one with their husbands. IMHO, many single mothers are looking for a second husband primarily for the purpose of helping her support and raise her children.

Certainly, this will not be the case in all situations, but this scenario is very common, and you'll have no idea how it will turn out until you get married. Oh. And one more little tidbit. In some cases, in countries like Canada, even if there is divorce in the second marriage, the ex-husband in this second marriage might still be ordered by the court to help support the child, even though the child is not his.

10-15-2013, 12:37 AM