Remember dating multiple men

When you start seeing someone, it can be frustrating to find out that they’re dating multiple people. You scratch your head and ask yourself: Why does she date so many guys?

If we were being honest, it’s kind of a double standard. Men can stay uncommitted and date different women at once, but when a woman does, it seems weird.

I’ll raise my hand right now and say that I was one of those women. Several years ago, I wanted to know what made good relationships tick, so I decided to experiment by going on 100 dates to find out. By the time it was over, I got my answer: Making a quality connection depends on how much work you’re willing to put in, while staying true to yourself. 

But aside from pure curiosity, there are many other reasons why a woman would date multiple guys. Mainly, it depends on the stage of life she’s in. So to answer the question “Why does she date so many guys?” I’ve broken down some of the most common reasons below.

Here are five types of women you may encounter. See if you recognize the woman you’re asking about in any of these descriptions. And while you’re doing so, take heart — just because she’d rather date many people at once, it’s not personal!

The College Girl: Still Finding Herself

If you’re in college yourself right now, then you know how it feels to be this age. But if you’re older and dating someone who’s still in this category, then let me remind you of what you may have forgotten. For instance …

She’s exploring her sexuality.

When you really think about it, women between the ages of 18 and 21 probably haven’t been sexually active that long — maybe a handful of years. Sexuality is still new and exciting. Suddenly, she’s discovering herself as a sexual being and seeing how her physical appearance affects people. It can be fun to play with this by going on dates with many different guys.

This doesn’t mean she’s using anyone; by dating multiple guys, she could be just responding to the opportunities she’s given. Which brings me to my next point about the The College Girl …

She gets asked out a LOT.

If you were getting as many offers as she was, wouldn’t you be dating more? It’s simply a matter of numbers. Women will get asked out more than men, and if you’re a college-aged woman, it’s off the charts. In fact, according to a study by OKCupid, a woman at the age of 21 automatically has the interest of over 75% of the dating pool, while a woman at age 31 only has about 40%. So, at a certain level, she dates multiple guys simply because she can.

She considers dating a form of entertainment.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: All she wants is a free dinner. But that’s not necessarily true. Again, look at how many people are asking her out. A woman in her situation doesn’t have to sit home on a Friday night, because there will always be someone willing to take her out. If you were looking at a potentially fun date invitation vs. hanging out on the couch with your roommate watching The Handmaid’s Tale, which would you choose?

She doesn’t need to make any decisions.

Remember, she’s young. At this point, she has plenty of time to figure out what she’s going to do with her life and who she will marry. So right now, she’s just having fun.

She’s open minded.

At this stage in her life, she may not have a “type” yet when it comes to guys. She’ll go out with anyone once, because why not? Once she gets burned and starts analyzing why certain relationships went wrong, she may develop stronger opinions about the types of guys she’s willing to go out with. But for the time being, she’s pretty open minded, and will likely to go out with a wide variety of people just to see what they’re about.

Post-College to Mid 20s: Invincible and Free

Post-college, she is slightly more mature, so her reasons for dating multiple guys may be different. For example …

She’s happy and doesn’t need a relationship.

Being in her mid 20s, she’s at the peak of her physical attractiveness, but is also more self-confident and knowledgeable about the world than she was in college. So, why does she date so many guys? Because she doesn’t need to cling to one guy in hopes that a relationship will make her happy. At this point in her life, she looks amazing, she still has plenty of single friends to hang out with, and her career is just getting started. There’s a huge amount of positive energy surrounding her, and it makes her feel invincible.

She likes being pursued.

After years of getting tons of male attention, a funny thing can happen. She gets used to it, and honestly, starts to enjoy it. Who wouldn’t? Being asked out and flirted with on the daily would boost anyone’s ego, and so it’s natural to like being pursued. For that reason, she may keep dating lots of guys simply because the early stages of dating are fun (at least from her point of view).

She’s focused on other goals.

For both men and women, the 20s can be stressful because that’s when you’re trying to figure out how you’re going to support yourself. It’s a scary thing. So a woman in her mid 20s could be way more focused on her work or continuing her education than finding a guy to settle down with. For her, dating someone exclusively could be too much right now.

Late 20s to Mid 30s: Beginning to Crave Safety and Security

Of course, things always change. When she gets into her late 20s to mid 30s, it’s a slightly different story. Her career now has a direction, her friends have started to get married, and she starts to think about the next phase of her life. She is looking for safety and security. Instead of aimlessly agreeing to random dates, she now has a particular type of guy in mind: the one who she’d be willing to marry and have kids with. 

Obviously, finding the right guy is very important, so instead of limiting herself to one or two prospects, she dates as much as she can. This is when she’s most likely to start MegaDating — in other words, dating several people at once — to increase her chances of finding just the right guy.

It’s important to realize that women who are MegaDating at this stage are not doing it out of disrespect for men or an inability to choose one man. Instead, they are on a mission to find The One. Once they do, they’ll be all in. So if you’re looking for a relationship too, her approach to dating shouldn’t put you off. After all, if you meet her criteria, she’ll dump all those other guys in a heartbeat. On the other hand, if you’re not looking for a serious relationship, then don’t be surprised if she moves on from you quickly.

Late 30s to Early 40s: Divorced or Separated from a Long Relationship

Once she’s been through a marriage or long relationship, she may go back to dating a lot of guys. But by this time, the game has changed, and she may have different intentions. When it comes to a woman at this stage …

She wants to live life on her terms again.

In the past, she may have made some sacrifices. Maybe she took time off to take care of her kids, or otherwise focused her life around her partner and her family.

So now that’s she’s single again, it’s all about her, in a good way. By dating a lot of guys, she’s putting her own needs first — something she hasn’t done in a while. Rather than forcing herself to date one person at a time because that’s the “right” thing to do, she is dating in a way that makes her feel invigorated and alive.

She can recognize quickly when things aren’t going to work.

Because she’s more experienced at relationships now, she knows what qualities she wants her partner to have. She also knows which qualities will steer the relationship toward disaster. In fact, she’s done more than read articles about it … she’s actually lived it. So for that reason, when she notices anything about a guy or the situation that doesn’t seem right, she simply moves on to the next.

She’s taking the time to get to know a bunch of guys first.

Nobody needs to be reminded how much failed relationships can hurt, so if she’s dating a lot of guys after being in a long relationship, she might not want to get exclusive with anyone until she really knows them well. This takes time … and a lot of dates! Don’t be surprised if she’s MegaDating in order to protect her heart.

She’s weeding through all the undesirables in the dating pool.

Studies show that as we get older, the dating pool becomes more and more filled with people that have an avoidant attachment style. These are folks who have a hard time committing emotionally to others. They end relationships and “come back on the market” more often. Chances are, if she’s dating after a certain age, she encounters more of these types of men in her dating life. If she’s smart, she’s MegaDating in order to weed through them quicker! 

Early 40s and Up: Stayed Single

If she stayed single up until her 40s and is still seeing a lot of guys, it’s popular to assume that that there’s something “wrong” with her. But even though staying single into one’s 40s isn’t the most common life choice, there are some perfectly plausible reasons why she’s still actively dating multiple people. Consider the possibility that …

She refused to settle.

If you really think about it, sometimes people end up marrying their partners just because they think it’s “time,” rather than out of true love. (If you’re in your 30s or older, you’ve probably seen at least one example of this.) So if a woman has stayed single, it’s likely not because she’s not worthy. She probably just didn’t let her desire for security make her settle for the person she was with in her early 30s. Instead, she rolled the dice and held out for something better … and she’s still MegaDating because she’s confident he is out there.

She simply doesn’t want a relationship.

No doubt, society puts a lot of pressure on women to stay in long term relationships. At the same time, it’s a modern era. Women can pursue their interests, support themselves, and control the quality of their lives. They don’t need the institution of marriage or a man to support them. So in that case, there’s no need for her to choose just one guy, and every reason to play the field!

Why Does She Date So Many Guys?: Wrap-Up

The concept of MegaDating isn’t limited to guys. Women do it too, depending on where they are in life. While it can be tough to realize you’re not the only option she’s juggling, remember that we all have the right to choose the best for ourselves. Instead of being disappointed that she hasn’t settled on you, you might take a cue from her and start dating multiple women too, if you aren’t already.

Not sure how to do that? Book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype session with me, and I can show you how to approach dating with a whole new perspective. In our session, we’ll also dig into your situation and figure out what could be stopping you from attracting more women, as well as determine if my 3-month signature coaching program is right for you!