Racist dating black woman

A few weeks ago a girlfriend of mine, who happens to be a black woman, sent me a screenshot of an exchange she had with a man she came across on an online dating app.

I'm accustomed to friends sharing their 'WTF' moments, and generally I love living vicariously through their dating experiences.

This particular exchange, though, was slightly different to the usual ones.

My friend was in the early stages of a chat with a man she'd matched with and he straight away asked about her ethnicity — projecting his assumptions of her by focusing on her race.

I made a documentary about the role race plays in online dating, Date My Race, a year ago.

I discovered that in Australia, the odds are stacked against you in the dating world if you are a black woman.

So I empathised with the frustration my friend felt by having to explain her blackness to this complete stranger.

Dating is hard, but it's even harder if you're a person of colour

Dating is a challenge for most people, but it's even more challenging when you're from a racial minority background.

Looking for love and cultural sensitivity

As a black woman, I could never be in a relationship with someone who didn't feel comfortable talking about race and culture, writes Molly Hunt.

Read more

If you're not being judged for what you look like, you're being asked to explain your 'difference'.

Seemingly innocent behaviour — liking people based on physical preference — does reveal deeper prejudices.

The information I came across while making the show was interesting, to say the least.

Dating as an Aboriginal woman: Here's how I avoid a racist

When I'm dating outside my race, I can tell when someone means well and when they don't, Molly Hunt writes.

Read more

For example, the data collected by one of the many online dating websites in Australia, Oasis.com, found that white women were the least likely to date outside of their race. They also found that the least contacted groups were black women and Asian men.

And as if it wasn't interesting enough, black African men were unlikely to contact black African women.

So, if black men aren't even looking at sisters in Australia based on these stats, the chances of dating within one's race (by preference) take a significant hit.

I also met people that had specific racial preferences, and either dated only within their race or specifically sought out people of another race. The reasons varied, from unfamiliarity with certain races and cultures, to just down to what they found themselves attracted to.

Is it OK to only date people from a certain race?

Is it racist then to have a racial preference, you ask? Surely, it's the same as preferring brunettes or tall men, right?

Well, it's a little more complicated than that. But the short answer is yes — it is racist.

Dealing with racism in gay online dating

Online dating can be a cruel sport, especially when it comes to race.

Read more

Experts studying behaviour have found that we tend to repeat real-life behaviour of self-segregating online. That is, for whatever reasons we don't interact with certain groups offline, we also repeat this behaviour online — even though the barriers that exist in the offline aren't there online.

And it's this collective behaviour that sees repeated outcomes for certain groups that constitutes as racist behaviour.

On an individual level, it may seem innocent enough. But the fact that figures suggest that certain groups are missing out because of their race means we have to look at the situation more closely.

As long as racism exists in our communities, it will exist in dating

When we don't acknowledge racism in our communities, we can't be too surprised to see its manifestations in our dating lives, too.

The very prejudices that are evident in our institutions, schools, workplaces and homes undoubtedly rear their head when we innocently swipe left or right.

21 questions for lovers who are lost for words

Whether you're writing a wedding speech, or sending a longer-than-usual text, here's how to start.

Read more

There is good news, though — many of the experts I spoke to for Date My Race talked about how we have been socialised to be attracted to certain groups, whether it's within our own race or outside of it. And because it's something we learn to do, we can also unlearn whatever ideas we may have about certain groups of people.

Greater representation in the media could also help reduce the bad experiences people of colour have on online dating sites. Being exposed to different experiences of people from different backgrounds through film, TV and other forms of media challenges our own biases and stereotypes we may have.

Sure, stereotypes exist for a reason, and there may be some truth to them. But they're just that: stereotypes. Reducing large groups of people and dismissing their individuality limits what should be an enjoyable dating experience.

Being an LGBT student in Australia changed me

For LGBT international students, moving to Australia from a country with an oppressive regime and a conservative approach to sexuality can be a freeing experience but it doesn't come without its challenges.

Read more

It's hard enough being judged online, but to be dismissed because of your race seems rather harsh.

In Australia, for example, even if I wanted to date within my own race, the probability of meeting someone in the same age group with shared values is not that great because of the small population of black Africans.

But importantly, limiting myself to my own race also means that I get to miss out on the wonderful experience of meeting someone who has had a different lived experience to me, and being able to look at the world differently.

The more we interrogate our choices a bit more online, then, just maybe, love won't be too far off.