Ireland women for dating

1. You will have all the craic with her. And no, it has nothing to do with class-A drugs.

2. You may think you speak the same language, but have you ever watched the Angelus after putting your togs in the hot press while eating a sliced pan? Thought not.

3. Feck is not as bad as a certain other four-letter F-word. Feck is totally fine to use in any situation, even in front of her Mammy.

4. If she calls you a feckin eejit, don't be too offended, it's pretty much a term of endearment.

5. If she calls you a ride, take it as a massive compliment.

6. She has some of the best slang ever, even if you have no idea what it means. Deadly craic, that's gas, cop on to yourself, get the shift, yer man's a ride, yer one's a wagon, bang off that...

7. You don't really know her until you understand that notions are the worst possible thing to have.

8. She always buys her round in the pub and thanks the bus driver. That's just basic manners.

9. She resents the assumption that every Irish person knows each other, but yes, she has probably been on the piss with Colin Farrell's brother's neighbour.

10. She probably doesn't like U2.

11. If she's a teacher or a nurse, she's definitely gotten the shift in Copper's.

12. She loves her Mammy more than you. Deal with it.

13. Her Mammy thinks she still goes to Mass. Don't let the cat out of the bag.

14. Even if she's not into sport, put her in front of an Ireland rugby or football match and she turns into a super fan.

15. If she invites you to a family wedding, prepare to meet all 47 of her first cousins. Yes, first cousins. She cannot fathom how you only have two.

16. Sunday afternoons in the summer will be spent watching GAA with her.

17. She may cry when she's hungover and can't get her hands on chicken fillet rolls/Superquinn sausages/Supermacs/Tayto/Club Orange.

18. If you get her drunk enough, she'll teach you Irish dancing (Michael Flatley eat your heart out).

19. No, she does not think it's hilarious when you do a leprechaun accent or say 'Top of the morning'. You can't do an Irish accent properly, so please don't try.

20. You'll probably think her name is unpronounceable (Oh hi, Aoibhinn, Aoife, Caoimhe, Maeve, Niamh, Oonagh, Orfhlaith, Sadhbh, Siobhan...)

21. When you're sick, she'll insist flat 7UP is the best cure.

22. Call her British at your peril.

23. She has a Father Ted quote for every occasion (careful now!), and knows all the words to My Lovely Horse.

24. Do not try to outdrink her or her family/friends. It won't end well.

25. She has an awesome sense of humour, but potato jokes are just. Not. Funny.

26. You just need to get used to the smell of fake tan. That pasty Irish
skin needs all the help it can get.

27. No matter what, always remember: It'll be grand.