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Thoughts on Thursdays with Thrive
2. Negotiate the Ground Rules With Your Family
Are you the first in your immediate family? Lucky you—you get to establish the ground rules! If you are not the first, there may already be a precedent about bringing dates home. Either way it is best to have a specific discussion with your parents about this.
The first thing to discuss, if you haven’t already, is what are the expectations for your life as part of the household. Things to cover are:
**Grocery shopping and meals—who does what and how often?
**Chores—again, who does what and how often. Chores
**Schedule—how are you going to let each other know your basic schedule? How detailed does that information need to be. This is important: when you are a kid your parents had a clear idea of your schedule, and could often decide themselves what your schedule would be.
Now that you are an adult you will set your own schedule, but it is a matter of courtesy to let the people you are living with have a basic idea of when you will be coming and going. Your parents should be able to do the same for you.
Basic subjects to cover are when you will be working, when you will do chores —it’s hard for them to cook dinner if that is the time you have chosen to clean the frig—, and when you are each planning to entertain—It’s hard for you to do your laundry if the machines are in the kitchen and they are having dinner guests. Bad news if you need that dirty shirt for work tomorrow!
3. Dating, Relationships, and Sex
Now for the nitty-gritty!
Scheduling:
If you’ve already hammered out the scheduling issues (see above) then hopefully you won’t be planning on bringing home a date when your dad is walking around in his boxers or it’s otherwise going to be awkward that someone new is suddenly in the living room. And you sure as hell don’t want to burst in when your parents are having a romantic evening. Timing is everything!
Dates:
When you bring dates home, it is good to give your parents a heads up beforehand. If you are going out with someone that you might bring home, tell your parents so they won’t be completely surprised. This is just to inform them, not to ask their permission. When they are having people over they should be giving you a heads up as well.
When you come in the house, don’t just sneak into your room (a temptation for many of you!) but introduce them to your parents. Nobody likes to know that a stranger is in their house when they haven’t met them.
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