Dating a guy in a fraternity

Welcome to the wonderful world of dating: Greek Life Edition! In my previous article, Can A Greek/Non-Greek Relationship Work In College? 4 Things To Remember When Dating Outside Your Social Circle, I talked about dating someone who isn’t affiliated with a college sorority or fraternity (also known as a GDI) while you are part of an organization, which we learned can be complicated (but sometimes totally worth it).

But dating someone in college who IS affiliated with the Greek community on campus can come with its own pros and cons.

Here, I’ll be giving you all of the tips and tricks I can muster about dating within your Greek community on your college campus so that you can decide if your relationship with someone is worth all the effort. Strap in, it’s going to be a crazy ride.

1. Know your Greek family tree.

Depending on your Greek community, you may or may not have ‘guy bigs’ and ‘girl bigs’. This concept comes from the notion that a younger member in the greek community finds themselves looking up to someone older in their community who is part of a different organization (fraternity or sorority, depending). You then ask them to be your ‘big’ in an unofficial manner. When you do this, you, therefore, inherit his family tree as your own.

So, from my sisters and friends who have dealt with this, please (for the love of all things Greek), do not date anyone within this family! I promise you, it will make for some very awkward Friendsgivings if things don’t work out. If after you graduate you want to shoot your shot, then go for it, but not while in school.

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2. Understand that people within the Greek communities on campus talk. A lot.

People love to gossip, but when you include yourself in a specific community, they start to talk even more. If you decide to hook up with someone at a party, whether it be one held by the fraternity of your choice or a sorority mixer, understand you’re doing so in a very public way.

I hate to admit it, but word travels extremely fast in these communities, especially if it’s a smaller or more close-knit college campus. If you’re eyeing a particular guy, try to get to establish a loose friendship first and go from there.

3. Body counts will go up.

One of the biggest things, especially among fraternities, is the claim that someone’s "body count" will grow exponentially, especially during their pledge process. If you’re looking to date over a hookup, keep that in mind. Establish your boundaries for yourself before you go into it, and stick to your guns. If you’re someone they care about and want to pursue seriously, they’ll put in the work.

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4. Know the difference between loyalties vs. dating pool.

An interesting concept I’ve found in Greek life is the notion of ‘fraternal loyalty’. Individual sorority women who vibe and connect really well to the majority of a certain brotherhood might go out of their way to only hang out and participate in their events. This can come from friends you made before joining or even family ties to that organization.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing this, but I always err on the side of caution when it comes to casual hookups with these men. They should be your homies and have your back, so if you see them as bros and not potential — well, you know — remember to draw that line.

5. Understand that dating certain people doesn’t guarantee titles.

Along those lines, fraternities and sororities also have ‘titles’ up for grabs for the men and women who are there for them throughout their time in Greek life. These can be a general title given to anyone who goes out of their way to help the members of that organization with absolutely anything, or the overall title of ‘sweetheart’. That title is reserved for the number one hype man of the general title group, the one who gives up their free time to help their homies through anything.

Just because you’re dating a member of that organization, though, does not guarantee a title with them. It can definitely help get your foot in the door, but at the end of the day, you need to put your work in with the individual members of the organization.

6. You know you’re dating a man of value.

The biggest plus to dating within the Greek system is knowing the basic true colors of the man, based on their organization. Throwing aside all of the partying and drinking that goes down within a fraternity, at the end of the day these men only allow in men that uphold the values and ideals of their letters. These are men of principle, working to be the greatest versions of themselves. They may have had their wild moments, but they are woven and made to be strong, loyal and powerful men ready to match with your strong sorority ideals.

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Kayla Baptista is a writer who focuses on pop culture, religion and relationship topics.