Dating a girl dont like body

I wrote about this topic over on Quora. Let’s just say, it got quite the reaction.

Of course, when you get a lot of attention online, you get a lot of dumb people saying dumb shit. 

You’ve probably seen these kinds of people over on youtube’s comment sections. People who don’t even watch the video, then run to the comment section to spew whatever hatred they can come up with.

But, I try to be all open minded n’ shit sometimes. So, I took what they said, reevaluated my original post, and arrived at the following conclusion:

I was right in the first place,

I want you to pay extra attention to the end of the previous sentence. “If you’re lame.” 

Let’s start with why muscle CAN help you get girls.

Muscle Will Make Women Perceive You as More Dominant, Which is Sexy

Some research out of UCLA looked at how being muscular affects attraction in women, and they found that it helps, A LOT.

Learn More: Why is Muscularity Sexy? Tests of The Fitness Indicator Hypothesis

In ^that^ UCLA study, most of the women rated the guys who were “toned” as most attractive. 

This same study also found that the guys who were more muscular had more sexual partners. The women reported having had flings more often with muscular guys.

So, that’s it right? Muscle definitely helps you get girls. End of discussion. 

No, not exactly.

This is what women defined as the most attractive physique.

Tell me, do you aspire to be as muscular as the toned guy?

For god's sake, that looks like a guy who has trained for a month or two. 

Most guys in the gym day in and day out want to look like a Christian Guzman, Chris Jones, or Jeff Seid.

Hell, I was bigger than that BEFORE I started training regularly.

So, if you want to be jacked, but girls like the guy who’s built like Edward from f#$%ing Twilight (I hated those damn movies), what do you do?

Luckily, when it comes to getting girls, you've got options.

The Reason Most Jacked Guys Don’t Get a Lot of Girls

A lot of Bodybuilders don’t have any damn social skills. The reason a lot of bodybuilders started training in the first place was because they were lacking in some social area of their life, and thought the gym would fix the problem (I'm no exception to this).

To gain the attraction of a woman, and you do have to GAIN the attraction of a woman, you have to stir up some kind of emotion within her.

Sure, being jacked may make a girl feel more protected around you, which may lead to some hook-ups here and there. But being able to captivate a woman through conversation, body language, and overall swag will have far more consistent results.

I can’t write about this topic any better than Chris from Good Looking Loser already has. Do yourself a favor and read his series “Plight of The Lonesome Bodybuilder Part I, Part II, Part III.”

I arrived at a lot of the same ideas Chris did in his series. However, I’m an evidence-based fitness guy. So, I’m going to explain this concept using a well-researched muscle building tactic.

Specific Adaptation to Imposed Demands (SAID)

The SAID principle states that your body will adapt to the stress imposed upon it. In other words, you get what you train for.

If you want to be a good runner, practice running. If you want to be able to deadlift 405, practice your deadlift. Get it?

But, I’ve found that SAID is true in more than just physical/exercise examples. The SAID principle is the case with EVERYTHING. 

When you first started driving, the entire thing was pretty hard, wasn’t it? You had to remember how to turn on your lane changing signals. You had to think about what to do when a light turned yellow. You even had to think about how to put the car in drive, reverse, or park.

Fast forward a few months or years, and you don’t have to think about “how” to drive at all. You just do it.

Another example would be brushing your teeth. When’s the last time you had to give any thought to your teeth brushing technique? Probably when you were three years old. But, because you brush your teeth every day (I hope), you don’t have to put any mental effort into the task.

Saying that building muscle will get you girls flies in the face of the SAID principle. Specifically, because we are the pursuers in dating.

Think about how dating works for a lot of women. Girls do their hair, makeup, and maybe wear revealing clothing, which takes hours to get done. These same girls, after spending hours getting dolled up, go to a bar or club, sit there, and just… wait.

Hours of preparation, only to sit there, hope, and pray. Hope and pray that an interesting guy comes along and capture her interest.

You see, we have to GET women more times than not. We are the pursuers and it’s on us guys to stir up some feeling of attraction in the girl we are after.

The SAID principle is always true, even with girls.

You have to be able to TALK to a woman and gain her interest. 

To the guys who think that having a nice body is all you need to get girls, I say, what are you going to do when you’re in Target and see a cute chick? Take off your shirt in the middle of the store and present her your abs?

There’s an art to talking to a woman. You have to walk a fine line between aggressive and chill, serious and fun, flirtatious and direct. No one can teach you how to walk that line.

Based on the SAID principle, there is no way to learn how to get good at talking to women, other than talking to women.

A podcaster I particularly love, Dante Nero of The Beige Phillip Show, calls it laying the five bricks. If you lay five bricks a day, it isn’t a whole lot of work, but eventually, you’ll have a pretty big wall.

Dante suggests talking to five women a day with the express purpose of JUST TALKING TO THEM. Don’t try to be suave or cool. Just say something like “hi,” or, “I like your dress.” And to quote the good brother Nero, “you’ll probably stumble into some pussy.”

Also, as Chris says in Plight of The Lonesome Bodybuilder, if you spent one hour talking to a girl for every hour you spend at the gym, you’ll never be without sex.

The Reason a Lot of Men Don’t Become Legendary.

This point speaks to a logical fallacy that holds people back.

They say things like, “to get girls, should I focus on learning pickup, or building muscle? Should I try to get a job with Company A, or should I try to get a job with Company B?”

To use a more personal example, I’ve been told to not worry about writing content online. “You’ve got a degree, just get a job teaching,” is what they tend to say.

I’ve also been told college is useless for someone like me who would like to run a business.

This has caused me to doubt every single decision I’ve made over the past few years, including: pursuing my Master’s degree, starting Wilfredo Fitness, and working shitty jobs to get by while I try to make some change in the fitness industry. 

The Way to Become Legendary.

A business blogger I follow preaches this concept called “yes and yes.” Instead of saying, “should I do A or B?” Say, “I’m going to do A AND B.”

Turn off the youtube videos and Netflix, and do it all. 

Throw out the idea of getting girls because you improved in one area of your life (your physique), and strive to be the most interesting man on the planet.

Skinny and fat guys (who are lame) will make excuses for their shortcomings with women and say that girls are shallow and only like guys with nice bodies. Guys with nice bodies (who are wack) will say women only like guys with money. Guys with money (who are corny) will say that women only like dirtbags and assholes.

Well, I say, yes, yes, and yes. Some women want a nice body, some want a financially stable guy, and most want a guy who fascinates them (assholes are fascinating by the way).

But, I have yet to meet a woman who wouldn’t love to meet a guy with all three of those things.

Be a guy who is decisive. If you don’t want to do something, DON’T DO IT!!!. 

Make sure that everyone knows that you’re a man of substance and that you don’t compromise your integrity under any circumstances. Say what you mean and mean what you say. When you speak, there isn’t a shred of doubt that you are telling the truth.

Make sound financial choices that signal to the world you know how to make good long-term decisions.

Make her feel safe and secure around you.

Have the great body that makes women look when you take your shirt off, and then be able to charm them with interesting conversation and funny stories. 

Be rich, funny, well-educated, well-traveled, well-dressed, ambitious, confident, open-minded, and commanding.

Be a bad boy AND a nice guy. 

Of course, that’s a lot easier said than done, and being an extremely well-rounded guy takes years of HARD WORK. But, so what? If it was easy, every guy would do it, and there wouldn’t be dudes saying stupid shit like this,

Women vary in their tastes. 

One girl will like guys who are romantic. The next girl will like guys who are bad boys. And the next girl will like guys that are rich.

Be the guy who can date all three of those girls (extra points for dating them all simultaneously).

I understand that a lot of emotions come into this topic (men get really emotional on the topic of women). So I don’t want to leave this article without giving you some way of improving your aesthetics for the purpose of attracting more women.

And there is one way that you can improve your appearance to make women want to spend a night (or a few) with you.

A Jaw That Can Cut Diamond

*I’d like to thank my buddy Alexi for givingme this idea.* 

People talk about the jawlines of guys like Brad Pitt and Channing Tatum quite a bit. But, did you know that a “strong” jawline being more attractive to women is actually backed by research?

One group of researchers sent out a survey to 770 women and asked them to rate various jawlines (from celebrities and average joes) on various scales.

Dozens of jawlines were used in the study. Everybody from Jack Black and *big eyed celebrity guy*, to Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill.

The women overwhelmingly liked similar jaw shapes.

The researchers then used 3d imaging technology and mocked up the ideal jawline based on what the women liked.

"Yeah, but I don’t have a jaw like that. How does that help me?"

First of all, you probably don’t know if you have a jawline like that. Most guys have to have a certain level of leanness (it varies from guy to guy) to “reveal” their jawline.

Often times, the face is one of the places that fat is most stubborn, and you need to get relatively lean to lose that fat.

Here are some photos of dudes who got pretty lean and how different their faces look.

So, the first thing to try is getting to a low enough body fat percentage to “reveal” your jawline.

This may be 10% body fat, or maybe 8%. Whichever it is, experiment, and see what happens.

"I stay lean and I still don’t have a masculine looking jawline."

This is where the power of illusion comes into play.

When you grow out a beard, you can shape your facial hair to resemble the ideal jaw. Frankly, it won’t matter what the hell your actual chin looks like.

Facial hair being attractive is also supported by research. One group of researchers found that men with full beards were seen as more mature and better for relationships than men without.

Also, just having some stubble can give this illusion too.

To bring this bad boy home, I only want to say one more thing.

Get out there, and be the most amazing version of YOU possible.